love is a burden on beasts
by Contrarybee
Summary: Kakashi, captured and controlled by a slave ring without morals, became something else in the dark. A woman, she was dangerous too, but in a different way. It would be a stretch to say that Kakashi flourished in the fighting ring with Mai waiting in his cell, but it would be a lie to say that he wasn't good at it.
1. Chapter 1 days turn into time

_Day One_

About a month away from his twenty-fourth birthday, Kakashi felt twice that. He'd been in Anbu for nearly ten years now, and it's become clear that he was tired of it.

It was all he knew, though, so what else could he do?

The weight of his sword got heavier each time he had to strap it on. His mask was too tight. He missed the sound of his name. 'Taicho' was good, but it was limiting and impersonal. The only way he ever got social interaction now was if Gai came looking for him, and after the third time that Kakashi _went looking for Gai_ , he knew something had to change.

His time in Anbu was up, and he'd made a good run of it. None under his command ever died while on mission. Sure, they died on others and he lost several (Itachi…) but Kakashi thought he had done his duty, done what he _could_ do to protect his village and his colleagues. Now it was time to hang up the mask.

He was prepping Falcon for command, and thus needed another squad member to keep his squad balanced.

Sparrow was a slim thing, only a year or two younger than he was, but unnervingly silent. Almost like she didn't have a tongue, but Kakashi thought that was a rumor more than anything else. She was capable at her job, however, specialist and all though needed to work harder at her physical abilities.

The mission was a success, Inu-taicho and Sparrow delaying an hour to make sure that the target mission was accomplished and that's when, on a quick, routine equipment check, Sparrow slapped an Uzumaki-grade seal on him.

Kakashi dropped silently and immediately, pain screaming in all his nerves until white blanked his vision and his body gave up. Hopefully he tagged her with that instinctual backhand swing, but Kakashi was down and unconscious too quickly to tell if it landed.

He didn't wake up for hours, and when he did he felt like it had been _days_. Stripped naked and with his arms and legs cuffed together with strong iron bars, Kakashi couldn't grab hold of his chakra and couldn't do more than struggle like a worm. It was humiliating, infuriating, and he burned with cold rage.

Blindfolded, the only reason he knew the kick was coming was because of the sound of coarse voices and the rustling of a man's pant leg. The impact hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him cough. Civilian, his mind parsed. Not chakra reinforced and with only so much strength as an especially beefy non-trained male.

"Hatake- _fucking_ -Kakashi." Someone snarled, and Kakashi wanted to swear. They knew who he was, which meant they undressed him for a reason, which meant Sparrow knew who he was, and Sparrow was a _fucking traitor_. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Hopefully, Sparrow wouldn't be able to create a believable enough lie or crime scene to lay Kakashi's disappearance on anything other than foul play, but it could take days for Konoha to catch onto the fact. Falcon wouldn't be able to authorize any kind of rescue parameters without the Hokage's explicit order. And that meant returning to Konoha as fast as possible.

Kakashi had to get himself out.

With this seal, it would be tricky, but it would be manageable. Especially since these assholes seemed to be entirely civilians.

"Not so great, is he?" One laughed drunkenly – yes, good, drink up you fucker it will make his job so much easier – "Not scary or nothing, Copy-nin Kakashi, hah! Got no cock, does he?" Kakashi was quite sure that his member was intact, so he could only conclude it was mindless posturing.

Plebian.

"We got somewhere nice and comfy for you, shinobi, where your fancy fuck chakra power will mean nothing and real men can have a piece of you."

Something liquid and luke warm was dumped on him to a chorus of raucous ugly laughter. Either it was piss or it was such bad beer that it smelled like piss.

Fuckers.

"Hold still, you piss-ant." One spat on him before something pricked his shoulder, a needle. Drugs. Fuck.

While his body became unresponsive, Kakashi's mind was still operational. It was a terrible feeling but he tried to convince himself it was a good thing. He could still figure out where they were heading.

Wherever they we retaking him wasn't very far from the mission location, and that still meant Fire country. The road got bumpier, but Kakashi was left with only one or two fuckers on watch, they'd take turns kicking him until he wheezed, laugh about it, and then kick him again citing he was 'struggling too much'. The road was just so bumpy and half hazard that Kakashi was flopping awkwardly from side to side. Eventually the…wagon? Donkey-pulled if the braying of abused animals was what he heard, came to a rickety stop somewhere that smelled like pine and frozen water.

Mountains. There were two small ranges at the North Western end of Fire country, nearly at Iwa's lap but not quite as far as…Kannabi bridge.

Noise seemed to be funneled into and out of an opening, and upon behind ragged from the wagon and forcefully walked, barefoot, over grass and into gravel and stone, Kakashi felt the sky disappear from overhead.

He was underground now, and so were a lot of other people, unwashed, reeking people.

"Welcome to your new hell, shinobi." Another man that smelled of sour milk and body odor hissed into his ear, gripping his arm tight enough to bruise.

Kakashi refused to answer.

"Ah!" A new voice broke in, making the two gripping him come to a reluctant stop. "Our new arrival. I hope it's the one I wanted?" He didn't have the same rough, lowborn voice as the other's Kakashi has heard so far. "He really was such a pain to gain rights to, but _everyone_ has a price." He spoke as though Kakashi were a betting horse, and his words implied that he'd been sold.

Kakashi hoped it had been Sparrow herself. That would make it so much easier for Ibiki to rip it from her.

The hood was taken from Kakashi, and he didn't even have to blink in the low lighting. Torches hung on the roughhewn walls, and it seemed like a small cave dressed up badly to look like an ante chamber or waiting room. Badly, because the wall hangings were crooked, the only desk had no chair, and the only people here were Kakashi, the two holding him, the man speaking, and a woman, curled up and silent in the corner.

She was naked too.

"Ah, yes, beautiful." The smooth speaking man was dressed in a simple, cleanly yukata with rather dramatic sleeves, and he looked incredibly _dull_. Brown hair, brown eyes that seemed permanently bored, medium attractiveness. Kakashi could have passed him by in the market nad never remembered his face. Uninteresting, save for the earring that dangled from his left lobe.

The crooked, scratched black lines of the black market – a slave merchant with enough status that he warranted an obvious mark that outed him to the world. Fuck, _this_ was supposed to be Squad Delta's target. Who the hell had they framed?

"Yes, you framed my good brother Okoro Tetsume. My name is Okoro _Testuo_ , and I asked for you specifically Hatake-san." Tetsuo smiled genially, teeth bright in the limited light. Kakashi didn't like that he could be read so easily by a civilian, the lack of his mask was incredibly irritating. "You're worth your weight in gold, you know."

"Mhm." Kakashi grunted, more irritated at the fact that his squad had failed to realize they got the target's _brother_ rather than the actual fucking guy. That'll be a mark on his record.

Tetsuo sucked air through his teeth, and made a strange noise, like one makes after they taste something delicious. His eyes dropped, taking in Kakashi's body and stopping on the way back up at his throat.

"Look at this," Tetsuo brought his hand up to hover over Kakashi's neck, and that made every hackle he owned rise in disgust. " _This_ was nearly worth your weight in gold, but thankfully, I merely had to promise your presence at my entertainment faire to obtain it. I'm glad it worked."

Kakashi glared.

"Oh, you don't want to speak?" Tetsuo pouted like a stage actor and waved. The man to Kakash's left handed him a scrap of paper, which he took and gawped at exaggeratedly. "Maybe you'll change your tune if I do this…?"

He made a hand sign, awkward and funny in his civilian hands and Kakashi was about to become amused (A civilian lighting a seal? Give him a break…) when the seal came to life without a scrap of chakra setting it off. It wasn't immediate bright pain, but it buzzed and gripped his chakra network so tightly, Kakashi felt himself lose control of his own limbs. He shook, leaning heavily until the men dropped him, snickering.

Spasming because the buzzing was becoming painful, every inch of his skin alight with the feeling, Kakashi's teeth chattered and he tried to move his hands, his arms, anything, until he felt close to blacking out because he wasn't even _breathing_ —

And Tetsuo released the sign.

The pain dropped from Kakashi in an instant, leaving him breathless and tender. Fuck. _Fuck_.

"Almost invaluable to me and my company, did you know, Hatake-san? That it can control a specimen like yourself, well. That's even better." Tetsuo's voice came from above with a strange distant tinny sound to it. "But please forgive me if I don't rely on just that, _Man of a Thousand Jutsu_." His title was said mockingly. More hands grabbed him, and Kakashi wanted to struggle, to fight harder this time, but a new pinprick on his shoulder heralded a new drug-induced fog that made Kakashi swim in his own body.

He could see the stone where they dropped him though, feel how they turned and twisted him releasing his restraints, hear as they closed what sounded like an iron cage door. There was a rank stink in the air, waste and urine that had time to dissolve, and a more concentrated smell of sweat and blood.

There was a _reason_ the Uzumaki clan had dominated fuinjutsu and rarely, if ever, gave out their secrets to non-family. It gave too much power into someone's hands, made worse with what these assholes were using it for. Torture, cruelty, control. Kushina-sama would be so disappointed. Well, more like she'd feel murderously mad, but Kakashi had that part covered for her.

The instant he had control of his legs and arms again, Kakashi was at the cage door – because it _was_ a cage, metal bands encasing the relatively small cave. Interlocked steel even covered the ground, which was a little ridiculous in Kakashi's opinion. Why go so far? The only relative weakness he could spot, beyond the inherent weakness in welded metal, was a small hole drilled into the side of one wall. Probably what passed for a toilet here?

Against the metal door (with chakra he could have burst right through this shit), Kakashi tried not to let his face twist in disgust. No mask meant he had to be more vigilant in his facial expressions. He'd been given something like a hotel suite if what was across the corridor suggested anything about the living arrangements here.

About twenty men, all absolutely filthy, were shoved into a larger cave than Kakashi's. It had larger bars that stretched nearly fifteen feet, one corner of which had a similar hole to act as a toilet that Kakashi's had. Theirs, however, either couldn't keep up with them or they'd decided they didn't want to use it, because they'd desecrated both the hole and a three foot radius around it. The dirt on their faces and bodies took on a whole new meaning. Kakashi would have preferred not seeing it, or smelling it, but right now nearly all of them were standing at their door leering over at Kakashi.

He'd outgrown the instinctive reaction to be embarrassed when naked, but the way these fuckers were looking at him made Kakashi want to do some violent things to their eyes.

"Look at the prissboy." They jeered. "Hatake himself, come to show us lowborns our rightful place, hey fellas?"

"Guess we'll show him won't we."

"You'll beg for my cock by the end of it, Kakashi-boy."

"I wonder what they'll give me if I choke the life out of you. Maybe they'll let me keep that hair of yours, bet it draws a lot of bitch attention?"

"I'll teach you in the ring how to be a man, won't I?"

They laughed, they banged on the bars, a fight broke out between two and the thud of fist into flesh, breaking jaw bone, came to Kakashi's ears. Hearing his name in their mouths felt disgusting, and the more he didn't answer, the more riled up they got.

Fucking animals.

Kakashi roved his new home, investigating it until finding the best position to watch the door. He figured it wouldn't take long until Tetsuo came calling. If this was the underground he thought it was, then there was only one reason he would be here.

True enough, Kakashi was taken out of his cell to the jeers of his new neighbors, and walked down the corridor passed what smelled like the communal latrine. Perhaps it was where the cage toilets drained to. Fucking _disgusting_.

The so called 'ring', at least, had a wooden barrier to keep the crowd out, seats like one has at a stadium, and a sandy pit floor. The sand was coarse and discolored from death, blood and other fluids staining it until it had mottled brown and yellow.

Already, a crowd had formed and Kakashi was rocked to his core to find so _many_ people there, many who didn't look like the regular underground degenerates that he'd, foolishly, expected.

Indeed, many were dressed in merchant-like clothing, delicate handkerchiefs held to their noses so they could smell their perfumes. A few scattered women in the crowd had powdered white faces, red lips that glimmered even in the ugly torch light. Men in peasant clothing, men in military clothing, men who looked like they could have walked right out of Konoha's downtown civilian core.

And all of them were crying for blood.

A man claps twice loudly, and the crowd parts for him. Tetsuo.

"Here is a newcomer to my establishment, I _must_ introduce you immediately." Tetsuo beamed like he was bringing Kakashi to meet all his friends at a dinner party. "It took quite a lot to get him to come, you understand, and he's absolutely itching to get started. Many of you might recognize him, hard not to with that hair, am I right?"

The crowd laughed like it was the most hilarious thing they'd ever heard, and more than a few of them were devouring Kakashi with their eyes. His fists clenched and he _glared_ , but that only made them more excited. Fuck. _Fuck_. Hatred sprung bright within him, and he struggled to smother it. He needed to pay attention.

"This here, my lovelies, is _Hatake Kakashi_ , the Copy nin. A-ranked Konoha Black Ops Captain with a serious kill number under his belt, along with something else, am I right?" Tetsuo smirked suggestively, putting a coy hand in from on his mouth. The crowd whistled and howled, most if not all with eyes fixed on Kakashi being shoved to the center of the sand pit.

"It took a great deal of work and money, but I've procured his services for a very special, high intensity _tournament_!" Tetsuo spread his arms wide, his smile taking on a darker edge.

There's a fucking tournament? A round robin style kill circle where men like Kakashi were pitted against others for high paying entertainment? Kakashi wanted to growl, but bit his tongue to keep his face as impassive as possible. While he tried to watch Tetsuo as much as possible, get a proper reading on the man, the surging of the crowd and the screeches from all sides was distracting.

Kakashi spotted a few security plants, tall men with stern faces and self-assured smirks scattered throughout the stands. They had a good security plan, all exits covered by clearly non-drinking 'employees' and with the best vantage points. The fact that one of Kakashi's escorts held his hands ready to create the sign for Kakashi's seal was carefully noted, scowled at, and dismissed.

"See, even now he picks out his opponents, and look!" Tetsuo cried like he was on a microphone calling out sports plays, "Here is our first challenger, one of our best and brightest!"

The look on the new man's face, leaping over the wood boundary in a show of muscle and agility, was confident in the way of arrogance. Scars littered his body, obvious open wounds that would have killed most men, but which healed left designs across his pecs and abs. He was all muscle, heavy weight.

Kakashi noted quietly that he favored his right knee. Even the strongest of men fell to weak joints.

"Heeeere's our very own homegrown Ishi no Atama!" The crowd roared their approval, and 'stone head' spun slowly to show off his twitching muscles. He ended the turn facing Kakashi, and slammed his fists together with a loud thump and breathed heavily through his nose, like he was a bull. Kakashi wanted to raise an eyebrow, but gathering the glee of the crowd, Tetsuo's continuing commentary, and the way that Ishi no Atama started menacingly forward, he kind of got the picture.

Was this what he was supposed to do? Fight the man, hurt him, down him, and then trot happily back to his cell?

Yeah, no.

The first few bouts went something like this: Stonehead would approach, let a fist fly, but Kakashi would duck or step sinuously away. The man would miss and have to center himself, before turning even more irritated that his quarry dodged and try again. Kakashi would make a show of looking around almost ignoring Stonehead before bending away from his attacks without breaking a sweat.

He didn't even raise his fists.

The booing and hollering of the crowd were secondary to how Tetsuo slowly lost his smile. Making eye contact, Kakashi made it clear that he wasn't going to play along. Tetsuo allowed him this victory, before raising his hands up, hidden by the dramatic sleeves of his kimono. Something flashed in the man's eyes.

Kakashi's seal sparked, and the pain caused him to stumble, white crashing behind his eyes blinded him but in a second it was over.

But Stonehead was inside his guard and his body was still too twitchy to react fast enough.

The meaty fist snapped Kakashi's head sideways, and a following punch to the ribs made him grunt. The man telegraphed all his movements, so Kakashi knew where he was going to hi, but for the life of him he couldn't do much better than seize hold of Stonehead's elbows.

But he _could_ draw his knee up in a quick enough snap to make Stonehead double over. Breaking free of the man, Kakashi paced to get feeling back, watching darkly as Tetsuo gaily accepted bets and money from all sides.

Kakashi's head swam.

Stonehead ran at him, and this time Kakashi met him with a block, deflecting and striking with a fast foot against that weak knee. The man flinched, leg collapsing a bit, but he went forward with a head-butt connecting with a glancing blow that made Kakashi step back. The crowd surged, but Kakashi regained his footing faster than Stonehead did, and slammed a knee into his face.

Stonehead's nose was bleeding freely, and his eyes were focused. Kakashi jabbed once with a tight fist, and then followed up with such a right hook that Stonehead was spun violently and fell face first into the sand.

He didn't get up.

The crowd roared and pounded on the wooden barricade, but Kakashi ignored them and looked for signs of life. The pile of muscle was breathing, but didn't move beyond a few finger twitches.

Right.

Kakashi reached down and tore the pants from his opponent, leaving him naked. Drawing them on and lazily tying the knot, Kakashi turned to stare straight at Tetsuo. Uncomfortably, Tetsuo was smiling victoriously, like he'd got what he wanted. It was a quick fight, Kakashi emerged triumphant but with a sour disposition.

Someone started a chant: "Death" "Death" "Death"

Were they calling for his death?

"Kill him!" A woman shrieked.

"Cut his throat!" A man screamed, feverous with his bloodlust. More started pounding on the boards, voices going louder and louder until it was deafening. All their eyes were on the downed man, their great Ishi no Atama.

They wanted Kakashi to kill him when he was unconscious, and they wanted it bloody. When it was clear Kakashi wasn't going to move to do the deed, the crowd made many disappointed, angry noises but started ignoring the ring in favor of retrieving the money they'd won. Or lost. Several fistfights erupted and Kakashi stared in shock at this cesspool of humanity.

Tetsuo gestured, and Kakashi was shoved out of the ring and down the side corridor where he'd emerged. This time there were four surrounding him, one pointing a sword at his back.

Clearly he'd unnerved them.

All the way to his cage, Kakashi remained still. Highly aware of one of the fellow who held his hands in a ready position, Kakashi cursed in his head when he realized he was being on his best behavior to avoid the pain of the seal. Already they'd started to…to fucking _train_ him!

It made him angry enough to growl and make an aborted motion to attack. The hand sign was completed, and Kakashi seized, hands going to his own neck in an instinctive move to get it _off_. He didn't feel it when they stuck him with the needle, but the strange separation of his mind and his body told him he'd been drugged again. Many hands forced him down, the seal ended so that everything tingled in an unpleasant way, and a boot in the face made him see darkness.

He woke to the jeers of his neighbors, and found he'd been dumped just inside his cage door in full view of the fuckers across the hall. The stiffness in his limbs and core said either the seal was affecting his muscles or he'd been kicked a handful of times when he was unconscious.

"Hey sleeping beauty, you hurt, you gonna cry? Roll over this way so I can shoot over your pretty fucking face!"

Fuckers.


	2. Chapter 2 the dark is heavy

_Day Three_

 _*TW* - non-descriptive rape in this chapter_

Kakashi hadn't slept at all, too on edge. The men across the hall had gotten tired of mocking him quite quickly, and either scrapped together with teeth and fists or slept. Guards walked up and down the corridor on a regular basis. Most would stick their noses in and smirk at him, or spit through the gaps between the grid bars.

He was too immersed in his thoughts to care about their taunts, most his brainpower revolved around the seal and how he could _get it off_. He couldn't see it to study it though, and it was in one of the most vulnerable places on a person.

The only place of exposed skin he had had in his Anbu guard was the throat, where his turtleneck underguard armour had torn in a ridiculous way from the mission specks. Kakashi hadn't thought anything about it. But now he could feel the seal pulse along with his heartbeat, strangling the chakra network in his neck so that it struggled to course throughout his whole body.

Somehow, the sharingan in his head hadn't killed him, being a constant chakra draw and all that. Being sealed was probably inhibiting the use of the eye, but he kept it closed mostly anyway. Nobody here warranted its use.

He was effectively chakra-less, only enough ran in him to keep his body alive. Fucking Sparrow.

Fuck her for selling him to Tetsuo, fuck her for sabotaging the mission, fuck her for causing him to be locked in this horrendous underground cave that smelled like the latrine down the hall. The reek of piss and shit and sweat was getting to him, and he wished desperately for his mask.

Time was nonexistent here. Men walked by at all hours, the torches always burned. It was impossible to tell how much time passes down here.

Kakashi woke from his light doze to the sound of whistling and rough barking from his neighbors. The squeal of hinges made it clear their door was opening, but there was no stampede out. A breathless silence like this was confusing.

What was-?

Small footsteps, stumbling, light-footed. A strangling sound. A woman's scream, loud and terrifyingly close, the whimpering of others who gasped and cried out.

"No, please, no, no! I'll give you all I have, I'll do what you want just don't put me in with them, I'm sorry, I'm _sorry_ – _No_!" She was screaming. From the sounds of it she was probably flailing, trying to fight back, but there were too many. A man would grunt when her nails dug in, or when an elbow caught a face, but it seemed she was fought over as well. They all wanted a piece.

"Hey sweetheart!"

"Sweet lips!"

"That's right! Take her!"

"Fuck her!"

The woman's next scream was agonized, and the fleshy sounds turned brutal.

More women were shoved into the cage until Kakashi sat there staring unseeing, listening to the mass rape happening not twenty feet away. The _noise_ of it.

Those women…god. _God_. Kakashi wanted to get up, wanted to bang on the door, wanted to break it down and kill them because only the worst of men did this, only the worst….

Then his door opened, and a scrawny thing was thrown in. She fell and trembled there, obviously expecting to be mauled like the others.

"Here you go, Hatake, enjoy yourself. We sure did." A guard smiled, his teeth dark and ugly.

The woman stayed where she lay, watching him from beneath her dirty hair. Kakashi ignored her, and hoped that would be the end of it – should he try to help? What could he do? If he did offer any sort of help, if he tried to be kind, Kakashi didn't know what would come of it. It was an entirely real possibility that this woman was a trained killer, an actor, and could hurt him when his guard was down. If she wasn't, she was just a scared woman, tortured and raped. So, he faked going to sleep, resting in his usual crouch against his favorite corner.

She didn't make much noise, but he heard her rustling, perhaps fixing her clothes as best she could. Curling up tight to keep warm. He ignored her, and the time passed only in his heartbeats.

Kakashi broke from his rest when he heard her slip forward as silently as she could. Kakashi held still as she crawled closer, unsure about her intentions, but the first indication of what she wanted was the tug at his pants draw strings.

He had her wrist in his hand in an instant, and she froze, before melting sinuously against him. Her eyes at half mast, she tried to make her lips pout and rubbed her other hand up the inside of his thigh.

Ah.

With the tight grip he had on her, Kakashi forced her back and stood, stepping away. He didn't say anything, even when she slipped her dress down her shoulders to expose herself, grinning toothily at him as she put a hand between her own thighs. She was missing a canine, the space gaped at him.

Leaned back as she was, Kakashi had a clear view. She didn't seem to understand why he hadn't mounted her yet, and moaned. It was repulsive, as was the dazed fog in her eyes. Clearly, she had decided to survive as best she could and that meant pleasing whoever wanted her. Kakashi pitied her but also couldn't look anymore. He didn't….he _couldn't_ understand. He turned his back.

She snarled, and ran at him, leaving claw marks in his skin around his shoulders, trying to reach for his eyes. Kakashi flung her off, rougher than he probably should have. She skittered on the ground and turned so she was on her hands and knees, back bent inward. Glancing over her shoulder, she faked another moan.

"You can have what you want. Anything, anything at all." She panted, voice destroyed. She was contrasting sharply with the penetrative whimpers and pained filled moans form the other cell.

Kakashi couldn't help his grimace, and went back to his corner, leaning there and making himself imposing enough to frighten her off. The red sharingan eye, glinting under his lid, seemed to help with that as she didn't try to touch him again. Instead, she remained on her side, eventually succumbing to silent tears. The animals raping nearby went on for another hour, before not even the one with the most stamina could continue. The women were unnervingly silent now, and Kakashi screamed internally on their behalf.

It took the fuckers perhaps half a day to realize that no, he didn't want the woman they'd given him, and in the process of leading her out, she was groped multiple times. She didn't fight it, and instead Kakashi shivered at how the look in her eye went desperate, desperate to please, desperate to be safe, desperate to survive.

Desperate to die.

He was left to himself for a while, before they came again, four abreast, one armed with a sword and another other with a disgusting smirk, his hands already forming the seal.

Kakashi controlled his initial, betraying flinch before his body seized up with the pain, and distantly he thought he thought he heard something snap.

Turns out it was one of his molars, and it started to ache incredibly bad after his new opponents in the ring – two men who looked almost like twins – managed to pin him in place for one good kick to the jaw. Dazed, Kakashi sought to get distance but with the two of them, obviously trained in civilian martial arts, tag teamed him, even Kakashi was flagging with glancing blows that still made him blink.

He hadn't eaten in days, and the water they provided was little better than pond or bog water. Before that, he'd been in mission mode, and that meant only the necessary nutrients, running on little sleep with less rest. He wasn't at his best. Actually, he was the farthest he's been from his best in…a long time.

After the third time he narrowly escaped disembowelment (when did that one get a knife?), Kakashi realized dimly that yes, they were trying to kill him. Why wasn't he trying to kill _them_?

Morals? Ethics?

These men didn't have a choice, he reasoned to himself, they had to fight. Or else…or else they'd die. Were they tortured too? Like…like him?

His mind shied away from the thought, ' _torture'_ running through his head like a bull in a china shop. It wasn't quite torture, he told himself, it wasn't what he'd been trained for. There was no fingernail pulling, no thumb screws, no tied down and beaten to get information. There was no _reason_.

This was just…pain. Pain as incentive. Starvation as motivation. And Kakashi hated himself but it was _working_.

His attacks grew more vicious, his movements more obvious more brutal. Less precision and form than just getting to the end result which was getting these guys to _stop_.

A stomp snapped one's leg, and he screamed in pain. A duck and dodge brought the other off balance so he could eat Kakashi's elbow, teeth flying out in a spray of blood.

Another, slower kick, knocked the screaming one unconscious to join his brother.

Kakashi stood, panting, blinking at the sudden desist in physical attacks, the noise of the crowd was nothing anymore. He heard the rushing of his blood, heard Tetsuo's _smarmy fucking praise_ , and he heard the fucker with the sword spit at him:

"Not so high and mighty now, are you?"

After that, he was led to his cell, too tired to cause any trouble and he passed out from dehydration.

When he woke, there was a full bowl of gruel and a wooden cup of _clear_ water.

Ah. So that's how it is.

The better he fought, the more reward he would get, and that meant sustenance and clean water and probably less of the pain seal. The realization made Kakashi pace, when he was able, and each time his guards walked by he would snarl silently at them, a red and black demon in the dark underground. Most would hurry along, others were dumb enough to stop and stare at him.

One, a large one with a tattoo over his lips, was particularly oblivious.

"Thirsty, Hatake?" He grinned with a missing tooth. Unbuttoning his pants and pulling out his cock, tattoo face pissed through Kakashi's door to the hoots and hollers of their animal audience. The puddle ran along the cracks of the metal on the ground, but thankfully stayed on that end of the cave.

"Just for you, bitch."

Kakashi's hands made fists so hard his knuckles cracked audibly. He didn't speak, and focused instead on the pain in his jaw – the shattered tooth would need to come out sometime soon.

Kakashi's third fight was tougher, his opponent more desperate and more reckless, but Kakashi was tired. He still wanted to sleep, honest to gods _sleep_ , not that of the unconscious.

Their differences in skill was obvious though, as Kakashi easily snagged the other in a nelson and choked him out to the booing of the crowd. They hadn't yet gotten the death they wanted, not from him, and it made them more and more savage. His guards had to protect Kakashi this time in leading him out, as the crowd surged to try and reach him, to get their hands on him.

Good, a riot would mean Kakashi could escape, or at least carve a path through these people. For his fight, however, he was brought a pond water pitcher and a new girl.

This one was silent, listless, her lank hair hanging in front of her face. The growls and whistles and bitching from the animal's cell told him that _he_ got one and _they_ didn't. When she was left in his cell, she didn't move from where they stood her. She didn't even glance up to see him.

Of course he didn't touch her. And it took a really long time for her to notice that he wasn't moving. When she did look up, Kakashi was horrified by how young she looked. Skinny probably by no fault of her own, it was hard to tell her age by her body, but her face…barely into puberty. He stayed on his side, and quite obviously glanced away disinterestedly. She hesitated, thinking maybe it was a trap, but as Kakashi didn't move when she did, the girl moved her way to the other side.

She fell asleep not long after, not having the energy to watch him, and probably less inclined to care if he did end up moving. It wasn't the first time she had been betrayed.

Kakashi got cursed out again when they retrieved her, after she had gotten at least a few solid hours of uninterrupted sleep. Sickened, Kakashi wondered if he should have suffocated her, as the men took her straight from his cell into the animals' cell. She didn't make any noise, but they did enough to her that Kakashi wished he had done something. Death would have been better, for Kakashi's peace of mind if nothing else.

When they got her again, they had to drag her out, limp and unmoving. Kakashi thought she had indeed found death.

 _Raped to death. Just a girl._ _Fuck_.

Guilt gnawed at him, but so did horror and disgust. Would he really have strangled her, killed her, before they had done such terrible things? Was he strong enough? Was he cold enough? He was too late. Always too late. Hesitated too long. Kakashi's head ached.

Next they dropped a thin young man in his cage the next time, probably irritated with Kakashi's refusals. He was getting the impression that there was more to the rapes than being given a 'reward' for good behavior. This one was emaciated though, bones sticking up everywhere in a grotesque parody of humanity. His eyes were dead.

"Faggot!" The fuckers swore at him, both Kakashi and the boy. "Open your cunt boy! Fuck him like the faggot you are, Hatake!"

Kakashi didn't move from his spot this time either, and the young man stayed on his side of the cage, staring listlessly while his bony fingers sought out every scab they could and picked. He made himself bleed in countless places, and dug even further into the open wounds.

Kakashi wanted to scream, he felt like he was going insane.

A man could only take being surrounded by pain, death, rape, and excrement for so long until he wanted to rip his own eyes out. He'd given up on maintaining a cold mask, now he snarled and sneered to keep them at bay.

How was he going to get out of here?

When they came to take the boy, he'd passed out from blood loss. Sneering at him, they dragged him cruelly from the cave uncaring of his hanging head, but they didn't close the door. Kakashi rose slowly to his feet.

Then Tetsuo entered, flanked by two men Kakashi had never seen before. One had a scratched out Iwa headband around his forehead, and he smirked at Kakashi. A missing-nin, and obviously one that knew him.

"The Hatake." The former Iwa nin spoke. "I've been waiting a long time for this." Chakra gathered in his fists, and Kakashi immediately started planning how he could not be hit by that. Any kind of jutsu at this range would destroy him, though, and he couldn't even gather enough chakra to protect his body.

"Sorry, I don't know you." Kakashi rasped, going for blasé and unconcerned but ending up on _haven't-spoken-for-days_. The Iwa nin growled though, hatred and rage twisting his face, so Kakashi figured he'd gotten what he wanted.

"Now, now," Tetsuo interrupted, beaming, "Please remember the parameters of our deal, Watara-san."

The Iwa nin grunted, the chakra flickering from his fists, but he stood down.

"Your days are numbered, Hatake, you're going to get everything that's coming to you just like your fucking Yellow Flash did. I'll piss on your corpse and leave you to rot, just like he did to my family." Watara pointed a thick finger at him.

That incited anger, but Kakashi refused to speak again. It felt like doing so put them in control, and he didn't like that.

"Wonderful, now that we've all met, let's continue on our Watara-san, I'm sure we have many more things to discuss!" Tetsuo smiled so tightly his eyes closed.

Watara snorted, but turned and left the cage. Tetsuo remained behind and held his hands within the sleeves of his kimono. The threat of the hand sign laid over both their heads, and with Tetsuo's men watching his every movement from the doorway, Kakashi stayed on the precipice of movement. He wanted to be ready if an opportunity arose, and his hackles were up from both Tetsuo's proximity and the meeting with Watara.

"Kakashi, I've heard you aren't happy with the selections being brought to you, is there something the matter?"

 _Selections_.

Like they were cuts of meat. The woman, the girl, the boy, just property.

Kakashi's glare turned dark, and he stopped entirely still.

Tetsuo didn't seem to care, though the guards at the door shifted.

"I made an investment with you, you know." Tetsuo gently reminded, like a father telling his son not to break his toys. "That investment doesn't just end with _you_. Now tell me, what are your tastes? Clearly not willing, nor young, nor male, so please, tell me what I'm missing?"

His eyes glinted, he knew exactly what he was asking Kakashi.

The man wanted Hatake children, to take and raise as his own. Wanted the Hatake name, the clan prowess, the power of it. Kakashi was the last, and Tetsuo had purchased his…his _breeding_ rights?!

Fucking _never_.

Kakashi said nothing, something vicious and evil sitting in his stomach. Tetsuo sighed after a moment, disappointed.

"Perhaps your feelings will change in the future. As it is, please forgive me if I keep trying." Turning, Tetsuo left his back entirely unguarded, and Kakashi' stomach swooped with the feeling of movement although his body didn't twitch. He felt sick with the near miss. Wishful thinking – Tetsuo's back opening like a blooming rose, his neck snapped hanging limply.

Tetsuo paused just at the door – directly where his guard had pissed, Kakashi thought with dark amusement – and glanced back at him.

"There will be a warm up match to get you running hot, Kakashi-kun,"-fuck him, fuck him, fuck him, Kakashi _hated_ this man—"You'll be up against the previous owner of this cell. Quite a handful he was, but he eventually saw my way of things. Quite lucrative, yes." Kakashi wondered if he lunged fast enough that he could get to Tetsuo, put his fingers around his neck, before he could complete the hand seal for pain. Clearly reading Kakashi's desire in his eyes, Tetsuo merely smiled and then left, and the cage was closed once more.

Grunting, Kakashi didn't want to think about either of them. There wasn't much else to do, though.

"Hey pansy-ass, did you have a nice time with the good Master? Did he make you beg?" Raucous laughter.

Save for listening to the animals howl, of course.


	3. Chapter 3 jaw pain

_Day Six_

The promised fights came later than Kakashi had to wait before. He was fed three times, each time just a little bit more gruel than the last, and, thankfully, clean water. Tetsuo wanted him fit and ready, and Kakashi realized why when he was lead to the ring to find his opponent already there.

The man was standing in the center of it, unconcerned by the cry of the crowd. Lean, he was built like Kakashi, long wiry muscles meant for speed and agility. Dirty black hair, and scars criss-crossing his back, he stood with his arms at his sides, handing limply.

He moved only when Kakashi approached, and the look in his eyes...it wasn't anything Kakashi had seen yet. It wasn't just dead, not just broken and destroyed, nor only desperate. He was all of these things, but also...

The strength of this man's despair nearly bowled Kakashi over. Pain-filled, endless despair.

"Hatake-san." The man said, and Kakashi's attention sharpened.

"I know you from a mission, a long time ago. I was one of the six bodyguards of Lady Satoshi. You were only a teenager." The man's lips flickered in a mockery of a smile. "You saved all our lives with your lightening jutsu that night. My name is Hisoka."

Kakashi did remember such a mission, but didn't recognize the man as one of the six. In actuality, Kakashi barely remembered them at all, he'd been more arrogantly concerned with other things.

"Mn." The other nodded in tired, sick approval. "Don't speak, it only gives them what they want."

Kakashi frowned, his brows bunching.

"They took my voice from me, made me watch. Lady Satoshi is dead, my family is dead, my comrades." He shook his head, before his body twitched violently, a hand coming up to grip his head. Kakashi couldn't see any seal on him, and Tetsuo wasn't making a sign, but immediately after the man relaxed, he had changed.

His eyes were fixed on him, his fists bunched, and his lips twisted. Kakashi blocked by instinct, before realizing that Hisoka was moving much, much faster than a regular man.

If he remembered correctly, Lady Satoshi and her household had been descendants of samurai, which is what made them such a target in his youth. Kakashi swept the other's legs out, but had to extract his own away from a tight grip. H was up in an instant, and snarling, attacked so furiously, Kakashi had to move back. Instincts screamed at him, and Kakashi barely avoided being clubbed on the head by a man in the audience, who held what looked like a crowbar.

After missing, the man chucked the weapon into the arena, and Hisoka didn't hesitate to pick it up. This had gotten far more dangerous, even as the crowd screamed itself hoarse, fights breaking out in the stands.

With a start and a quick intake of breath, Kakashi realized that Hisoka was exuding killing intent in such a potent dose that the crowd was picking up on it.

After trading a few swings, Kakashi dodged the crowbar whistling through the air – and managed a palm hit to the face. A crack told Kakashi he'd broken the other man's nose, and Hisoka stumbled back, stunned.

Instead of capitalizing, Kakashi drew back. He didn't want to attack, not to someone who knew him for _him_ , rather than just recognizing his name. The crowd screeched in frustration.

"Kakashi." Hisoka panted, spitting out blood that ran from his nose into his mouth. "Kakashi, end me. Please. They've gotten inside my head, it hurts, it hurts-" He trembled, before something seemed to take over him again and he stood, ignoring his injuries, to grip the crowbar with both hands.

Some kind of puppet jutsu, maybe a genjutsu?

Whatever it was, it was very clearly taking Hisoka over from the inside, Kakashi could see exactly when Hisoka's consciousness was drowned out by whatever it was that made his body fight. The despair was palpable, as was the bloodlust, the blank _hatred_.

Kakashi took a hit to the shoulder by the crowbar, and it sent him reeling. Hisoka didn't pause, and Kakashi's instincts told him to duck. In a burst of speed, Kakashi managed to get Hisoka under him, and a few short punches to the stomach made the other drop the crowbar. Kakashi didn't hesitate this time, and took Hisoka down to the sand to pin him.

Hisoka spat blood at him, though his eyes were desperate. Some of him was left and he was _asking_ Kakashi...he was _begging_ Kakashi...

"I can't." Kakashi grunted, desperate himself to not give in. Not for them. He wouldn't, not Hisoka.

Growling, Hisoka managed to get a knee free and into Kakashi's ribs. Hissing, Kakashi reached and snapped Hisoka's arm at the elbow, making the man cry out. Shocked at how easy it was, Kakashi shook his head even as Hisoka continued to struggle, animalistic.

"I _won't_." He begged. It stunk of sweat and blood this low to the ground, and Hisoka's struggles were digging them into the thin layer of sand until Kakashi thought it might swallow them both.

Hisoka was suddenly seizing, the pain in his eyes warring with the panic, and Kakashi realized his non-broken arm was reaching for the crowbar, only a few inches away. He was seizing against whatever it was in his mind, and the fear in his eyes made Kakashi feel like vomiting.

"No." Kakashi hissed, "No." But his body was already moving. His arms worked Hisoka around until he had a hold of his jaw, and his neck, and a quick snap made Hisoka still. The light left his eyes, but so did the pain and the fear. He slumped, dead, and Kakashi's hands shook.

The crowd roared, and Tetsuo smirked and Kakashi wanted to die. First he wanted to kill the rest of them though.

Before he could grab a hold of the crowbar however, his seal ignited, and he collapsed in pain over Hisoka's cooling body. He screamed, because he couldn't tell what as his voice anymore and what was Hisoka's still ringing in his ears.

He came to in his cell, with a pitcher of good water by his door and his shoulder sloppily wrapped in dirty bandages.

Tetsuo stood at the door, ostensibly watching him wake. Kakashi threw him his darkest glare, and spat out the blood that collected itself from his broken tooth and where he'd bit his tongue.

"I'm so proud of you Kakashi. You've come a long way in such a short time."

Kakashi wanted to scream, wanted to fly at the door, break it, and cave Tetsuo's face in.

"Seven days with us and you're already making waves in my establishment." Seven...seven days? That's it?

That's...all?

"Oh yes, you've been here only a week." Tetsuo clearly enjoyed the shock written in his face. "For your good behavior, I'll be acquiring a...new product, one I think you will greatly enjoy. Sleep well, Watara-san is very interested in seeing you again soon."

He left Kakashi alone to marinate in the thought that he'd only been here _seven_ _days_ , and they'd already broken through so many of his walls that he was barely operating like the shinobi he knew he was.

Hisoka...Hisoka didn't need to die. If Kakashi had been thinking, had been operating at his best, then he'd figure out a way to break open the underground, freeing himself, Hisoka, and all the women here that didn't serve their pain.

But, he wasn't...wasn't capable of it? Kakashi was so weak. He succumbed to Tetsuo's wishes. He'd killed for the crowd.

Kakashi was alone for a long time after that, drowning in his own thoughts and roving in circles between guilt, self-hatred, and a frighteningly deep rage.

When he heard noise again, it was a couple of men with a woman between them, and she was shoved into his cell with no less care than they'd taken with every other woman. This one however, caught herself before she hit the ground, rising smoothly to her feet to pin Kakashi with her eyes, head tilted to keep her periphery vision on the men at the door.

"I can't believe you're being gifted with this one, Hatake." One of his regular guards said, the one who knew the seal of pain. He sneered into the cell, eyes roving over the woman's body – garbed in the remains of what once was a pretty nice kimono, and over Kakashi who sat slumped in his corner.

The woman moved slowly away from the door, eyes on Kakashi. She was very good at keeping her expression impassive, and the way she moved...

This one was trained. Possibly high born, though not a kunoichi, Kakashi thought. Most definitely a court woman, by her dress if not her manner. She remained on her side even as he remained on his, and he noticed how she carefully circled the toilet hole with the barest scrunching of her nose.

She was dirty, with bruises marring her arms as he could see them, and over her neck a clear hand large enough to crush it. With caution and a healthy dose of carefully controlled fear, the woman held herself tall. Kakashi could smell her dried sweat, but she wasn't as rank as the men here. It was a different smell, and Kakashi was shocked by how much it caught his attention.

Kakashi didn't move other than to tilt his head, watching her. She, realizing he wasn't about to rush her, let herself slowly sit down until she was curled up tightly, knees to her chest and arms hidden behind her calves. Resting her chin on her knees, the woman eyed him from top to bottom, and Kakashi thought she was intelligent enough to realize she could take advantage of his lack of interest.

There were worse places to be than Kakashi's cell.

"Hey sweetheart, if the Hatake doesn't do it for ya, come over to our side!" Whistling.

"Show us your cunt!"

"Come on baby, you want a real cock?"

Kakashi noted her irritation and disgust in the way her eyes flickered to the door, and how her little mouth scrunched up. Chuffing a noise, Kakashi got her attention, and her intelligent eyes zeroed in on him again. He made a show of covering his ears with the flat of his hands, and was rewarded with a raised eyebrow. It was more communication than Kakashi had done since he came here.

After the guards poked their heads in twice, they were left alone for a long few hours. Nobody came to take her away and nobody came to take Kakashi to his next fight – he had a feeling it was going to be with Watara or his cronies.

The woman shuffled around, drawing his eyes, and he watched her carefully set her skirts around her legs, and curled down to lie on her side, mouth frowning when she found it as uncomfortable as it looked. Kakashi tilted his head, and he watched how she watched him, until eventually, her eyes closed and she slept. Did she feel safer in his presence? Was she on a hair trigger too, so any movement would wake her in an instant? Kakashi didn't know, but he liked looking at something other than the animals in the other cell.

Seems like he had a new roommate.

 _Day Nine_

She was engrossing to watch. After being alone in this place the mere distraction of her presence was enough to give Kakashi a reprieve even from the pain in his head. (He had to get that tooth out, but if he tried with his fingers the chance that he would crush it and make it worse was too high.)

After she woke up to find him still in his spot, she weighed him with a bit of a confused look. When food came around, two bowls and a pitcher, she went and picked hers up first, and then hesitating, she took up his as well and walked it halfway into the center of the cage.

Watching her sharply to make sure she didn't slip anything into it, Kakashi was surprised when all she did was stop in the center and delicately put the bowl down. Glancing up she pushed her hair behind her ear and then returned to her side.

An olive branch. How unprecedented in a place like this.

Kakashi took a risk and got up, grimacing at the pop in his knees. He went to his bowl, picked it up and awkwardly nodded to her. She titled her head, but then focused on her food, unhappily slurping it out of the bowl as cleanly as she could. While it tasted horrible, Kakashi found that he still ate it, his stomach clenching uncomfortably.

The noise of the corridor increased, as the animals found a reason to gang up on one of their fellows. She shuddered at their voices, and wrapped her arms around her knees again.

Getting up, Kakashi went to the water pitcher and drank half of it, standing at the door and watching grimly as the animals beat one man's face bloody, holding him down so the biggest could slam his fist over and over into bone and cartilage. Shaking his head, Kakashi turned his back and walked to the woman, noticing how she tensed but didn't move to flee, or use that metal shiv she kept hidden in her sleeve.

He held out the water to her, and she took it without touching him. Glancing at him, she nodded in careful thanks. Rolling his injured shoulder, Kakashi grimaced and motioned to the toilet hole, absurdly embarrassed. She nodded again and turned her face away, giving him privacy.

This place fucking reeked, and Kakashi was beginning to realize that he was getting used to it.

And didn't that just itch.

They got a visitor after about three hours of sitting in boredom. Kakashi was stretching out his muscles to keep the limber, debating the use of going through a physical regime to try and get up and do something, when they got a visitor.

"Hatake."

Ah, Watara, standing in the door and peering into the cage. Kakashi looked at him out of the corner of his eye, and didn't like the way he was smirking.

"Think you're too good for pussy? Or do you not know the quality of what you've got there?" Watara eyed the woman sharing Kakashi's cage, very clearly imagining her naked if the way his eye roved over the curve of her thighs was any indication. She ignored him coolly, the only evidence she even heard him was the slightest tightening around her mouth and eyes.

Standing, Kakashi pretended to turn away from him, fiddling with the bandages he'd taken from his shoulder to wrap around his knuckles.

"You don't even know who she is do you?" Watara taunted, enjoying it when the woman stiffened minutely. Kakashi still didn't look at him.

"Che." Watara took a step back. "She's gonna watch me kill you, Hatake. And then I'll fuck her over your dead body."

Kakashi's regular guards opened the cage door and entered, two going for the woman while four went for Kakashi. She grunted and hissed when they grabbed on to her, their dirty hands touching her excessively and all over. Kakashi grimaced when he accidentally caught her eye, and they shared a moment of intense hatred between them, and Kakashi knew she wanted nothing more than to watch them die.

Kakashi's arms were pinned behind his back as he was lead out of the cell, and he got to see Watara lean forward and sniff the woman's hair, one hand coming up to touch her jaw. She turned her head sharply away, her expression disgusted and cold.

"Hm." Watara smirked at Kakashi like he'd won something from him, but Kakashi was led around the corner before he could figure out what. Regardless, the man was getting under his skin and Kakashi was angry enough he wanted to _hurt_ him.

The crowd was smaller this time, and strangely more contained. Kakashi spotted several Iwa headbands, all of them scratched out. The patrons here were all the better dressed, so obviously this fight was going to be Tetsuo's highest grossing.

Tetsuo swept forward to the woman and pulled her into a stiff, fake hug. She didn't move, keeping her hands at her sides and her gaze facing forward. Kakashi thought, silently and to himself, that she was being given an opportunity – why did she not use the shiv?

Kakashi was shoved into the ring and immediately knew that this fight was going to be different. Hisoka's eyes flashed in his mind and Kakashi nearly flinched. There was no blood from Hisoka's body, but his soul haunted the sand.

"Here he is, our number one player." Tetsuo stated, at once humble and grandiose. The woman had been placed at his side, two guards behind her. She looked like if a statue had been colored with flesh. "Many of you might remember him from his illustrious past, and many other might want a piece of him. That privilege goes to the highest bidder of course, and that would be your illustrious leader, Watara Musaka-san!"

The crowd made some noise, but most ninja remained silent. Kakashi felt the killing intent from all sides. He wasn't going to get out of this ring alive, regardless of what Tetsuo believed.

 _Shit_.

Kakashi took the time to think of his team. Of Minato-sensei, Rin, and Obito. Of Kushina-nee-sama, of Sarutobi-sama.

Tou-san.

With their images in his mind, Kakashi methodically shut himself down. Shinobi do not have emotion. Shinobi do not feel pain. Shinobi must always put the mission first.

Dog's mission was to kill Watara Musaka, and any and all others who dared to attack him.

Watara approached, and Dog eased his shoulders into readiness. The pain in his jaw dimmed, but he knew it might distract him at the wrong moment if he paid any attention to it. There was nobody else around. Only he and the target. There _couldn't_ be anyone else.

"Hatake." The target snarled, cracking his knuckles and falling into a ready stance. The Iron Fist, Dog noted, a rather impenetrable offense that relied on heavy hits and brute strength. "I've been waiting a long time for this."

The target was still talking. He was distracted.

Dog attacked first, lunging forward to get up into Watara's face. He had no access to chakra, he'll have to kill with his bare hands.

The target dodged. He swung and missed, but he was fast enough to take advantage of his own momentum.

Dog ducked the next one, and planted an elbow into the other's sternum, but failed to extract himself from the resultant head grip.

"I hope this hurts." Watara snarled in his ear, before suddenly a line of fire erupted across his ribs and Dog was thrust forward to hit the sand.

Ah, a knife.

Dog shook his head, irritated that he fooled himself into thinking this was going to be an equal fight. The cut on his side wasn't as deep as it could have been, but it hurt and pulled whenever he moved. The blood was warm, and made his hand slippery when he pressed it to the cut.

Dog circled Watara, taking in the kunai in his fist and the pouch of weapons on his thigh. No jutsu yet, and he planned how to avoid it when the target became angry or serious enough to use them. The look in Watara's eyes were getting crueler as time went on to, and the lust of the crowd had ratcheted up significantly at the sight of blood.

Kakashi had been undefeated and never bled, not in his previous fights – even against twins with a knife and Hisoka with the crowbar. He'd been cavalier about it too, civilians up against him? No one could touch him. As the swings and jabs and kicks continued, Dog kept being put on the retreat, he was bleeding, and he was failing to connect his own blows.

Dog was _losing_ this fight.

Why though? He tasted blood when Watara snapped a backhand, and landed a sandal in the target's gut with the backlash. It wasn't because Watara was _better_ than him. His skills read as regular jounin-level, and he hadn't even brought out his jutsu yet. Kakashi was easily his match if not more than, he'd been A-ranked for a long time, S-rank in Black Ops.

So why was he failing here and now? A massive punch to his mouth made Kakashi's ears blot out for a second, deafening him, and the broken tooth made a jagged crunch that set his mouth and brain aflame. Dog scrambled to take back control, to squash down the instinctive reaction to pain.

"Do you know what you are, Hatake?" Watara appeared behind him, faster than Kakashi thought he could move. His mind was crumbling, trying to reclaim the poise Dog had in spades but the fire in his skull was drowning everything else.

"You're washed up and washed out, nothing left to do but die. Nobody's heard of you, not any more. You're irrelevant." Watara sneered and, somehow stepped into Dog's guard, managing an uppercut and a kick to the ankle that brought Dog to the ground. He was dizzy for some reason, everything swam and his breath came in sharply. Watara put a knee into the center of his back and kept him pinned.

"Everyone's dead and waiting for you. Everyone you ever cared about. Everyone I ever cared about. My family will greet you personally in hell." Watara breathed heavily into Kakashi's ear, and Kakashi snarled silently into the sand. Briefly, he imagined tearing out Watara's tongue, and then just a briefly wondered what was _stopping_ him.

"Hatake Kakashi." He'd never hated the sound of his name before until it came from such a mouth. Watara removed his knee and stood back, letting Kakashi get his hands and knees under himself before, suddenly, a line of fire erupted once more, across his back. Stretching from his shoulder to his hip, Kakashi felt every last inch of the whip – it was a whip, cat of nine tails too – that someone in the crowd had flung to Watara in vicious glee. The head wrapped cruelly around his shoulder, and the rip of the whip nearly took it out of the socket.

Kakashi couldn't help crying out, blood smearing his chin from his torn tooth.

Watara kicked Kakashi in the stomach, making him cough and gag on nothing. The other was panting, and looked strangely drained, though the fight hadn't been very long.

Kakashi's world warped again, and this time he recognized the telltale tug on his center, despite the pain from what was probably a bruised or broken rib. Sand ground devastatingly into his open wounds, and he determinedly managed to dodge the next kick by disregarding them and rolling out of reach. With distance between them, Kakashi could catalog where exactly Watara stood in terms of abilities, of strength leftover and Kakashi realized with a vicious kind of glee that something was weakening. Genjutsu.

Sand was everywhere, but he was now on his feet, he was _angry_ , and Watara was almost out of chakra. The Insensate Genjutsu messed with your opponent's sense of balance, and attacked mind twice as hard as every physical blow landed. It was an A-rank, and Watara was not an especially good genjutsu artist. He was bleeding chakra off so fast it was affecting his physical strength, which is probably the only reason why Kakashi hadn't gotten a broken neck from the attacks across the face.

"Can't fight me with your own strength, gotta use a fucking illusion?" Kakashi spoke, snarling, not sounding like himself in the slightest. "Your family would _weep_." Iwa almost whole handedly refused to use Genjutsu, going so far as to label it a 'weak' area of expertise, meant for 'pussy' tree-hugging Konoha-nin. Clans had been exiled for having bloodlines tied to genjutsu-style abilities, so Watara was essentially spitting on his own past.

He was a missing-nin, but everyone felt _some_ kind of connection to their home.

Watara returns his snarl and strikes again with the whip, only Kakashi lets it wrap and bite into his arm, ripping it out of Watara's hands. Kakashi throws it to the ground, and spits on it, blood and mucus dirtying the leather grip. His body was screaming, and Dog's family and safe mask was miles below the pain now.

The pounding of Kakashi's head matched the sluggishly moving blood he could feel soaking into his pants, gritty and rough with sand.

Watara charges, screaming something incoherently, hands flashing in what could have been an earth spike jutsu that should have connected with Kakashi's chest, piercing straight into his heart. It didn't happen, however, as Kakashi hears a strangely clear, quiet gasp, and a small, sharp and bloodied something comes sailing through the air towards him.

The woman's shiv. From the way Tetsuo had crumbled – as Kakashi could see in the corner of his eye – She'd put it to good use. Kakashi would too, and he smiled with his full mouth of teeth, all bloody and red.

Watara ran directly into the shiv in Kakashi's fist, sinking it deeply into his eye socket and into the man's brain. Kakashi turned it, listening to the crack and bubble of skull and gore.

When the man collapsed, Kakashi let him fall, and took stock of the situation.

The woman was downed, knocked unconscious. Tetsuo was white with rage and what was probably in shock, a man held a wad of bandages to his side. He would live, pity.

Several Iwa nin were advancing from all sides, and Kakashi realized he probably wouldn't ever wake up. Kakashi took in Tetsuo's enraged expression and the way Watara was bleeding out like a pig with _her_ knife in his eye and felt a savage rush of pleasure. Stumbling, Kakashi fell and bled on the sand, darkness closing over his sight. Vaguely, he realized he didn't know the woman's name, and she had saved his life.

What he didn't know was that Tetsuo called for his men, and while Iwa nin were still ninja, even numbers and a tight space could get the better of them. Especially when the _civilian_ crowd turned on them and tore them to pieces.

Kakashi was now a favorite, and they'd protect him if only to see him die another day.


	4. Chapter 4 mottled skin

_Day Twenty_

Kakashi was unconscious for several endless days, and upon waking knew he would sleep several more. He had enough wherewithal to note he was back in his cell, and that about a foot away, the woman lay asleep. She had a bruised face, a badly bloodied lip, and her fingernails were black with dirt.

He could taste blood in his mouth and blearily, absurdly, wished it was hers.

Kakashi passed out again.

Healing in these conditions was a struggle, and a continual threat. The grime of the cell could seep into his knife wounds, the whip scar on his back, even into his damaged lungs and become infected. Not that the sand didn't infect them all, but it was the difference between grit and excrement.

The woman was a life saver during this time, though Kakashi could barely remember his own name. Every time she slipped up to him and helped him rise, went behind him to check his wounds, Kakashi felt less and less vulnerable in her presence. Instead he turned needy, and almost convinced himself she was his mother.

Sometimes she would forget herself, and gently brush his hair from his eyes whilst he shivered in sweat. She'd pet his hair, or take his temperature by pressing her hand to him. She didn't sleep on the far side of the cell either, staying a foot or two away so that theoretically, she'd be able to check on him immediately, or he'd be able to reach her.

During one brief moment of lucidity, Kakashi reached his fingers into his mouth to try and get a hold of his tooth. It needed to be removed, but he couldn't get good enough of a grip on it. He gagged on the flood of blood that came from fucking around with the fragments, and caught her attention out of a dead, exhausted sleep.

"Shh." She whispered. He thought her voice might have been a dream. "Shh." Tilting his head just slightly so he was resting against her thigh, the woman took out something from her chest that looks like wire and mimed sticking it in her own mouth. She fiddled with the end, her small fingers dancing in the torchlight and entrancing Kakashi who couldn't help but soak in the warmth of her leg.

She showed it to him again, and it took a second to focus. She's turned and twisted the end of the wire – was that from the ridge of her bodice? – and turned it into a macabre shovel-like dental tool. Kakashi broke into a cold sweat because he knew what this was going to feel like, but it needed to be done.

He reached up behind his head and put both his hands beneath her thigh, and opened his mouth. Locking his jaw, Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut and waited for her to either help remove the fragments of tooth from his jaw – several of which that had turned and twisted into his gums – or jab the thing into his eye and remove him from this misery.

It didn't take long for Kakashi's mind to create distance from the scrapes and pokes, now and then she would hit the wrong end of the nerve and his hands would squeeze. The first time, she only hissed in a breath when he probably bruised her, but after that she would take a moment to pat his cheeks free of sweat and tears, taking some of his bandage (dirty and rank but nothing else was available) and wad it into his mouth to soak up the blood.

Kakashi descended into darkness again, and left her to finish her messy work alone.

After two nights of waking up, sound of mind with hot healing wounds, Kakashi figured he was past the dangerous part, and she was much more comfortable in his presence. It was a wonder infection had not burned him out of his body yet.

To Kakashi's fever-dreamed memories, she was as constant as the moon, a cool breeze at night. To his shame when he woke to lucidity, he realized he had reached for her, had cried out for her, and she had come.

She brought clear cool water to him, ignoring how the animals in the other cage growled and thrust at her, and held it for him to drink. Kakashi reached up to hold it as well, and his hand covered hers entirely. She had cold hands.

Their eyes met. Kakashi swore deeply within himself that he would get this woman out of here, because the kindness and softness in her eyes never deserved the darkness in the first place.

Almost as if she could hear his thoughts, she smiled sadly, and ran a light finger over the scar on his cheek. His sharingan eye had practically fused shut by now, sleep crust and dried blood making it stick.

Once, Tetsuo came to check on his 'prized fighter'. Kakashi struggled to get to his feet, eyes locked on how Tetsuo darkly stared at the way the woman remained at Kakashi's side, kneeling. She ignored Tetsuo coldly, sitting poised with hands clasped, the picture of sophistication.

Tetsuo didn't speak to them, but gestured for someone Kakashi couldn't see.

The door opened with a clang, and a large, thickset man entered. His beady eyes went directly for the woman sitting at Kakashi's feet, and basically _dismissed_ Kakashi.

"Up." He grunted, approaching where she sat. Kakashi, though leaning against the wall, bunched his muscles and watched the man.

He wasn't going to touch her.

Kakashi looked past the large man and found Tetsuo's gaze. The showman's eyes were the darkest Kakashi had ever seen them, and the solemn decision that lay within them as they watched the woman shook Kakashi to his core. She was shaking imperceptivity, her hands trembling in her lap. She could feel Tetsuo's intent.

No, _he wasn't going to touch her._

The large man was close, not quite close enough, but his eyes were locked on Kakashi's woman and his hand was outstretched to grab her.

Kakashi exploded from the wall, and full bodily smacked into the man. Tetsuo hissed and the rustle of his sleeves told Kakashi he had only seconds before the seal was ignited and knew he had to act fast.

With a deep chested snarl, his wounds pulling in the worst of ways, Kakashi scrambled to kneel on the large man's shoulders and stuck his thumbs into his eyes.

The man screamed, and he screamed loudly. Blood welled up thick and dark from the sockets and he could feel the squish and slime of the man's eyeballs pop. The seal lit up Kakashi's nerves with cold fire, but it only made Kakashi's grip tenser, forcing his thumbs deeper

It was disgusting, his mind was whitened out by the screech and choking of the seal but he could still feel the way the man's face caved under his grip. Kakashi didn't want to leave him alive, but before long he was numb to everything except the vague sensation of the seal's cruelty. It would hurt more in an hour, when Kakashi had time to become a part of his body again.

Tetsuo broke the seal and Kakashi slumped, the large man beneath him whimpering and twitching. Kakashi removed his thumbs, falling backwards with trembling limbs. He'd set his healing back another week at least, but the tense, almost frightened rage in Tetsuo's eyes was worth it.

Kakashi drew away from the man he'd downed, and his woman crawled and pressed herself at his back, simultaneously keeping him upright and pulling her skirts over Kakashi. Her cool hands touched his neck, ghosting over the seal where it burned into his throat. Grinning through the residual pain, Kakashi noticed how Tetsuo watched her movements, and slowly, obviously, hid her from view. It felt like he'd won something.

Disgusted, the showman barked at the two guards behind him to drag the other out, but remained outside the door. The two entered hesitantly and quickly removed the man, dragging him by his wrists.

"It's a wonder I haven't killed you yet." Tetsuo said lightly, the tone of his voice contrasting sharply with the malice in his eyes.

Kakashi raised his head and glared at him, sharingan eye cracking open and probably glowing in the dark. Tetsuo showed his pearly teeth, and took the water pitcher one of the guards offered him. It was the typical wooden one they usually left in their cell.

Tetsuo emptied it on the ground. Then he turned and left without a word, an inscrutable look on his face. The guards took the torches with them, and Kakashi was shocked at the sudden dark silence. His hands were drying with blood, and it cloyed on his senses.

Even the animals were quiet.

The woman didn't move from her spot, even when Kakashi started listing sideways. She lied down with him, staying at his back and between him and the wall. Kakashi should have felt threatened, he couldn't _see_ her, but instead he relished in her heat. She kept the back of her hands against him, to show him where they were perhaps, and pressed her forehead into his skin. He appreciated her thoughtfulness.

It was the closest he'd ever been with a human being besides carrying a comrade from battle since...well. Since he outgrew hugs, Kakashi guessed.

The cell was pitch black without the torches, and Kakashi could feel unconsciousness swooping in. The color of the flame had given the illusion of heat as well, and he felt the cold of the underground much more keenly. Behind him, she shuffled in closer, and Kakashi fell asleep listening to her breathing.

Hours, maybe days later, he didn't know, (neither Tetsuo nor the guards had returned yet – Kakashi didn't want to think about the hunger gnawing his gut) Kakashi was picking at a scab on his shoulder, curled up with her again behind him and protected from the door. Blinking, he realized that the song he was hearing wasn't just in his head.

She was humming quietly, leaving her fingerprints over the bruises on his back. Her touch skittered away from the long scraggly whip scar, grossly wet with pus and plasma.

Pressing her forehead into an undamaged section of his shoulder blade, she traced something next to his spine.

It took a few repetitions before Kakashi realized she was writing something, something small, over and over. A name.

Mai.

Rather simple, but elegant, he thought. He reached behind him without moving and clasped her thigh in his hand. She was thin, scrawny, the gruel they were given did nothing to help her natural slimness but her skin was soft, supple. He liked the way she felt in his bare hand.

She stilled, then he could feel the way her eyelashes brushed his skin. Mai smiled in the dark, Kakashi could hear her lips cracking (they were both so _thirsty_ ), and then continued humming.

Kakashi wrapped his mind around her and refused to let go. She gave him something to think about, rather than the long and the dark and the hunger and the hurting. The way they curled up together gave him warmth, and when he had to turn over, to ease his other side, she hesitated only a moment before curling into him.

Her trust was humbling. Even as some part of Kakashi knew that it was a result of their circumstances, he clung onto it with both hands.

When, finally, Tetsuo returned with the light, the water, and the food, he found Kakashi and Mai tightly wound around each other in the dark. Kakashi didn't move, and instead watched the flickering torchlight put Mai's face in stark relief. It was like he was seeing her for the first time, and he wondered what she saw when she looked up at him. Like most people, her eyes went first to his sharingan, just cracked a bit to memorize her image. She smiled, as always soft and sad but so gentle, and her eyes roved his bare face.

Then Tetsuo spoke and ruined the moment.

"Well isn't this cozy. I'm sorry darlings, I seemed to have forgotten about you. Not a very good owner am I?"

Kakashi refused to move, but turned his head so he could glare from the corner of his eye. He didn't want Tetsuo to see her, wanted to keep her for himself.

"I'm glad you've held on for so long. Here, pets, a gift to apologize for my _inexcusable_ behavior." Tetsuo motioned someone to put something in the cell, the clack of the wood making Kakashi think it was the pitcher again, or the food bowls. His instincts were to rush the door, his body was as healed as he was going to get without nutrients, but he knew Tetsuo was just waiting for it.

Calling them his _pets_ …he wanted a reaction.

"Please, take this time to heal up as best you can. You've become quite the celebrity, Hatake-san. _Everyone_ wants a piece of you now." Tetsuo's smile was smarmy and arrogant, and Kakashi noticed his kimono seemed to have been upgraded for a better quality fabric. Well, Kakashi seemed to be making him a lot of money.

"A quick warning, however," Tetsuo paused just as he was about to leave. Mai twitched at the change in his voice and hunkered down deeper under Kakashi's arm. "If you do not _use_ your gifts, you _lose_ them." Kakashi watched how Tetsuo eyed the way the two of them were lying, and got the oblique meaning behind that.

 _Fuck her or I'll take her away. You know that I can._

Kakashi snarled in the dark, and when Tetsuo left he lit the torches on his way out.

Rising when the noise of their footsteps ended, even the echoes, Kakashi went to the cage door and took in the empty cell across from them. Kakashi wondered when the animals had been removed and why he didn't notice. The torches let a beam of light enter their cell, and it fell over Tetsuo's newest gift.

A wooden bowl of strawberries. Kakashi's stomach whined for it, but it was overpowered by the growl in his throat. Fucking Tetsuo. It felt like a mock, as if the man hadn't been starving them as a sick punishment.

He picked up the berries and sniffed deeply. Nothing stood out to him as poison or drugs, and they _were_ incredibly hungry, so he brought them to Mai, who had sat up to lean against the wall. She looked exhausted, though all they had really been doing was sleep. She stared at the strawberries like they were fake, even when Kakashi placed the bowl in her lap.

He took one, and popped it in his mouth, greenery and all. Chewing, he didn't taste anything wrong with it, though his mouth rebelled at the sudden onrush of sweetness. Swallowing, it sat wrong in his stomach, the acidity causing havoc in a place that had only gruel and water.

Mai reached for one, and taking it her eyes were wide even as she bit into it. Her moan was almost filthy, and Kakashi couldn't help raising an eyebrow.

Catching him, she raised her own eyebrow, utterly unrepentant. Her expression almost convinced Kakashi that his surprise was indecent, of course she was going to enjoy these.

Apparently she loved strawberries.

Between them they tried to savor the berries, but all too soon the bowl was empty. Kakashi considered smashing it to try to get some kind of sharpened splinter, but thought better of it. When they went to bed that night – bed being a relative term – both of their stomachs were upset but Mai's humming was a might more upbeat. Kakashi hated Tetsuo, and hated him more when he found himself grateful the man brought the berries.

This was fucked up.

Banging on the cell door.

"You've got a fight today Hatake, up you get." Still blinking sleep from his eyes, Kakashi frowned when he realized several of Tetsuo's men had appeared in the corridor without him noticing. Mai startled awake with the noise as well, seizing hold of Kakashi's hand.

With a start, Kakashi realized that he had rolled over in his sleep to spoon her, and the hand she'd grabbed had been pressed to her stomach. Rolling away as the cell door creaked open, Kakashi got to his feet before they had reason to enter. It occurred to Kakashi when they closed the door behind him, all four maintaining a healthy distance from him and two holding their hands in a ready position, that Mai was going to be alone in the cell.

Tetsuo could do anything to her. Anyone with keys could do anything to her. _Fuck_. Kakashi's fists clenched, and the seal started to buzz on his skin. With a dark look, Kakashi found one of the guards watching him closely, fear making his face white.

Good. Be afraid of him.

Every single thing that had held him back before now was gone. Morals? Irrelevant. Ethics? Useless in a place like this. Mai was alone and he had to get back to her.

"Hey Hatake!" His first opponent jeered, and Kakashi recognized his ugly voice from the cell across. The animal holding cell. "You ready for these?" He held up his fists, both of them braced by brass knuckles and bloodied up to the point that Kakashi couldn't tell what metal they were.

There was no signal to start, Kakashi merely started at the man and walked straight through him. The fight was vicious and quick, and Kakashi popped his knuckles and watched how the man was dragged away. He'd crushed his nose. The crowd was pleased.

But then they sent out another one, who was angry his fellow had been defeated so quickly.

Tetsuo kept sending men out to meet him, like gladiators being fed to the lions. It didn't even seem to faze the man that Kakashi was racing through them, becoming more and more brutal as they _just kept coming_.

Even still healing, the skin of his back tight and hard to move, Kakashi had to work around it. Once, he over extended on a punch, and the scab ripped a bit, causing him to snarl and snap his other fist out quickly, attempting to cover his momentary lapse.

It crunched deeply into the man's neck and crushed his trachea hard enough that bits of bone and cartilage poked out of the skin of his neck. He died slowly and in agony, and Kakashi watched every moment of it. The crowd screamed, Kakashi saw the light die, and then the man was just a mass of flesh and bone, no longer human, no longer a man.

After that, every single opponent set against Kakashi, died in the ring. When he was finally allowed to leave it, the bodies had piled up around the wooden circle, and he was barely even aware of himself. Everything was a fight.

The sword prodded into his back? Deserved the roundhouse kick that probably burst an eardrum.

The one that spat on him as he passed? Got a face full of the wooden boards, knocking a tooth out.

Tetsuo remained a step away, just far enough to show Kakashi who he slowly removed his hands from his sleeves and quite deliberate broke the hand sign. He approved, for some reason. Why did Kakashi's violence make him happy this time around when every other time he'd acted out it brought on the seal?

Kakashi didn't expend brain power deliberating on it. He was on edge, revved up, and he was back in his cell before he realized it. The entire trip from the ring to the cage was blank in his mind, and he wondered what the living hell was wrong with him.

Taking in how Mai was whole and watching him with wide eyes, Kakashi paced. He was covered in blood, and upon realizing it flicked it off against the walls.

Hearing a noise, Kakashi ground to a halt and watched as Mai stood from her spot and approached him. There was a healthy caution in her eyes, but no fear, not of him. Something in him settled to watch her as well, something that was alarmingly separate from what he considered 'himself'. He was going insane, clearly, Kakashi thought, a little bemused and a little horrified.

Mai stopped in front of him and took up his hands in her own. The blood transferred from him to her, but she didn't seem to care. Strange, she usually at least made that scrunchy face when presented with how dirty she was.

Mai took up one hand and, looking at the broken and bleeding knuckles, set her mouth on the wounds. Her tongue swept from side to side, and she moved from one knuckle to another, cleaning the open cuts on his fists that came from beating other men's faces in. Gut clenching, Kakashi stood still and allowed her.

She was gentle. It made him want to scream, to cry. She should be afraid of him.

"You should be afraid of me." His voice startled him, not only just because he should have thought that, but also because it was weak, strained, _raw_.

She glanced up at him, finishing with cleaning his hands by pulling up her kimono skirt, wiping the rest on her own dress.

"Yes." She replied. _I should._ Her voice was lower than he'd normally attribute a woman, throaty.

"You aren't."

"No." _I'm not._ Mai agreed with him, finishing with his hands and pulling him towards their sleeping spot – no less or worse comfortable than the rest of the cell but furthest in distance from the toilet well.

It was the most they had spoken since meeting, so many weeks and fever dreams ago.

Kakashi wanted to hoard her voice, wanted it inside of himself so nobody else ever got the chance to hear it. He felt like a child with only one toy, like a starving man with a fresh apple, like…well…like an animal with only one friend in the world.

The way she carefully touched his bruised clavicle, tracing the mottling of skin, and the way she sighed in her sleep against his chest…maybe she thought the same.


	5. Chapter 5 sweat

_  
__Day Twenty Eight_

The days bled together after that in a way Kakashi realized was his own mind trying to protect itself. There were no mornings, no nights. Only waking hours, fighting hours, and sleeping hours. Sometimes he would go several laps of awake and asleep before Kakashi was called on for a fight, but there were also times that they were woken out of a dead sleep so he could be dragged to the ring.

Tetsuo had been gone for several days, not even calling him to fights. His men were rowdier in his absence, and passed by Kakashi's cage more often, pointing in and mocking him with their fellows. More and more of them seemed to be taught how to subdue him, and they started up a game of standing at their door, gawping at his eye, and subversively looking around for witnesses and activating his seal just to watch him twitch.

The pain of the seal was becoming a part of Kakashi's psyche, and he didn't know how to stop it. Panting in the aftereffects of one particularly sadistic guard's torture, Kakashi felt the soft touch of Mai's lips on his brow, and her fingers gently petting over the dark lines of the seal on his throat.

Sometimes in the back of his mind, hidden in the dark, Kakashi wondered what it would feel like if she ever killed him, strangled him with her skirts or her long, dark midnight hair.

Kakashi wouldn't mind if she was the one who did it.

Mai became the centerpiece of his life. In a way, she was probably the only thing that kept him from going entirely insane. His madness stemmed from the viciousness of the fights, the need to always survive, and not only survive but make it so that opponent could never, ever, become a problem to him or his again.

Tetsuo kept thinking up new and interesting ways to make Kakashi's fights harder, or last longer. Usually that meant giving him a string of opponents, one after another, or sending in more than one. On one memorable occasion, Kakashi's seal was liberally ignited at random moments during the fight with two former military men.

He got another broken rib from that fight, but brought something else back with him. Mai collected him at the door, slipping forwards on all fours to cover him in her skirts and stare darkly at the way the guards watched and laughed at his twitching form.

Once he could feel himself again, Kakashi dragged his way to their side and spat something into his hand. Mai welcomed him back by standing and flickering her eyes over his body, searching for the worst of his injuries.

After finding him whole, they relaxed together against the cold metal bars.

"Kakashi." He rasped, curled into the corner with a bloody mouth. He was fiddling with something, something small and bloody that he'd brought in with him in between his teeth after another fight. Mai turned, her bare little feet seeking out his side to warm themselves.

He hissed through his teeth at their chill and said it again. Not like these assholes didn't know who he was, he wasn't undercover. "Call me Kakashi." He wanted to hear her voice say his name.

"Kakashi." She replied, a small smile on her face now. Her eyes watched in the dim torchlight how he turned the new object around and around in his hands, before wiping it on his pants and flicking it at her.

It skittered on the stone before she picked it up. Her tiny fingers looked so breakable.

It was a bone, a piece of a finger that he'd bitten off. Mai clenched it in her hand and held it to her chest even though it was still yellow and wet with gore.

Kakashi watched her, and put his hand around her ankle. Aware of exactly how delicate her bones were, Kakashi could crush it and leave her crippled with his bare hand. Instead, he gently ran a calloused thumb over the protruding ankle bone.

He wondered, absently, who she had been before all this. Kakashi consciously didn't think about his own past, but she was such an enthralling mystery he kept revolving around what he knew about her. She was high born, of that he was certain. She was trained in self defense, as much as courtly women were, and probably knew how to sing. Her humming was slow and gentle, methodical, and flowed along songs that Kakashi vaguely remembered from court missions.

Her hair was black as midnight, and Kakashi hadn't been able to tell what color her eyes were, the torches always reflected them as deep dark pits. She hated being dirty, and constantly ran her fingers through her hair – or Kakashi's if he was in reach.

She curled into him to sleep, resting the side of her face on his chest and placing her hands on his belly. Kakashi couldn't help putting his nose in her hair and squeezing his eyes shut, wishing suddenly that they were somewhere else, somewhere where he could show her...

Show her _what_? They'd been shoved together in the dark and this closeness was just…self-preservation.

He was lying to himself and he knew it.

Mai cried only once, when the darkness pressed in on them. Kakashi put one hand into her hair, disregarding the dirt and grease, and let her drop her tears onto his skin. She was quiet about it, but the twisting in her features and the full body shakes filled Kakashi with a curious mixture of rage and despair.

"Kakashi." She whispers his name, brokenly, and Kakashi would live the rest of his life happily if it had been the last traumatically beautiful thing he ever heard.

He brought her a gift again, the next fight.

And then the next.

And the next.

The crowd became used to seeing Kakashi harvest from his opponents, who were not always dead.

Finger bones, toe bones, sometimes teeth, a knee cap, and memorably, a piece of one man's jaw bone.

He kept bringing these things back and Mai just…squirreled them away with a pleased look each time. It's like the savagery didn't touch her, like he was just like bringing flowers home or chocolates or puppies. (Kakashi felt a pang for his ninken, and hoped desperately, quietly, he'd be able to introduce them to her. He thought she'd like to meet them.)

Mai would do nice things for him too, almost as a thank you, cleaning away the blood on his fists, curling around his head so he could listen to her heartbeat and rest his head on something soft.

The times that she would relieve herself, Mai very clearly turned his face away and made him keep it there, her face stiff with the indignity she must undergo. Kakashi never watched, giving her that much privacy at least, but he could hear the way she tried to curl her skirts, awkwardly squat and lean against the wall and stay as cleanly as she could. At times like that, Kakashi would have to grit his teeth, poke his tongue directly over the still healing hole in his jaw, and remember vainly that they were still human.

They weren't animals, they weren't slaves. Human, with thoughts and feelings and _hygiene_. Mai would be stiff afterwards, embarrassed and despairing at what this place did to her, to them, but Kakashi would urge her closer. Careful touches and long silences were more than enough for them to communicate, and Kakashi love the feeling of her hair falling over his chest.

"Goodnight." She whispered in her quiet despair, lips against the curve of his throat, tasting a yellowed bruise. He grunted, but lightly fingered the softness of her hair that fell like a dark, heavy wave over her back.

 _Day Thirty Four_

It got progressively colder as time went on, and Kakashi wondered whether they were just becoming more attuned to it or if it had actually become winter outside their caves. It was a wild thought, as it had only been August when he'd been taken, and Mai had been here longer than he.

Tetsuo returned one day during Kakashi and Mai's sleeping hours, Kakashi recognized the step of his soft leather boots. Suddenly, Kakashi's heart was beating and he tensed violently, waking Mai with a gasp.

Somehow without looking, Kakashi had developed a subconscious fear of the man. Fuck. _Fuck_. Kakashi wanted him to die, he wasn't allowed to live, he could never hurt him again if he was dead, Kakashi would _tear out his throat with his teeth and suck out the marrow_ —

Mai flung a leg over him suddenly, wrapped her arms around his neck. She forced Kakashi's snarling mouth into her shoulder, and while he had the instinct to bite and fight his way out, the smell of her made him pause and the way she was moving her hips was…distracting and confusing all at once. Mai puffed out a small noise, and tightened her hold when the steps grew closer. With the movements and the way Mai's leg over him was obviously bare from the wreckage of her skirt, from the door it would look like they were having se-

 _Ah_.

Kakashi got it.

Ducking his head further into her arms, Kakashi grabbed hold of her raised thigh, moving upwards to her ass. Moving his hips in counterpoint, Kakashi heard when Tetsuo arrived at their cell door and smirked at their activities. The man didn't say anything, not to them, but stood there and watched like a fucking voyeur for a while.

Kakashi and Mai didn't let show that they knew he was there, but his presence made Kakashi growl in his chest. Mai's answering moan was a small squeak, but Kakashi could feel the way her lips trembled. Was she frightened?

"Good. They've begun to breed." Tetsuo commented absently to someone, before, clearly pleased, he turned and went the way he came. Eventually the steps faded away and Kakashi ground to a stop, body charged. It had been a long, long time before he'd felt this sort of release and his body had responded. Ashamed, because Mai was lying there stiff in his arms, Kakashi very carefully extracted himself, moving about a foot away.

Mai _examined_ him, her eyes dark. She roved over every plane of his face, taking in the scar, the eye, his mouth, his seal. Kakashi wanted to be uncomfortable, he'd never been so scrutinized in his life, but Mai deserved whatever she wanted right now. Swallowing, Kakashi closed his eye and focused on tamping down on his body's response.

Mai's idea had worked however. It had dulled Kakashi's hysterical rage, it had given Tetsuo what he wanted, and they had been left alone.

Kakashi felt little fingers touch his chest, over where he had crossed his arms tightly to try and contain himself. He almost didn't want to look.

But he did, he could never refuse Mai anything.

She was smiling at him, a small, elated smile that he'd never seen before. She tugged on one of his arms, and rolling over, she urged him to crawl up behind her in their regular sleeping position. With his teeth set firmly in his tongue to hold off any arousal, Kakashi did as she bid and let her position him so she could rest her head on his bicep.

She sighed, pleased for some reason. Kakashi would never understand women, this one in particular.

 _Day Forty One_

Mai is fascinated by his sharingan eye, he knows. Every time they lay down together and the torches shine just right, she can see the glow from beneath his lid and reaches up to gently finger the scarred tissue running through it.

"It's not mine." He said to her, unbidden. He didn't want Mai to think he had it himself form birth, it wasn't his, it was Obito's…

Damn. His hands shook so he fisted them against her bony back. She needed to eat more.

Mai ran her thumb gently over his eyelid, head resting on Kakashi's bicep. "Yes it is."

"No."

"Yes."

They probably would have continued childishly, just to focus on something else, but a clang in the corridor let them know 'breakfast' was coming. Mai threw a leg over his hip, bare and pale in the torchlight, and Kakashi rested more of himself atop her. It might have been suspicious that they were always 'fucking' when guards were passing by, but Kakashi figured it was better than letting her be taken away. By Tetsuo, the fucker.

Even if Kakashi was the sort of man (monster) to take rather than accept, she was capable of defending herself, especially since he didn't have his chakra and she was fast with whatever item she managed to find. The wire that took his tooth out was still somewhere on her person, though he hadn't found it. Kakashi would never force himself on Mai, and could control his desires just fine when she looked up at him like this and _trusted_ him. Nothing could make him destroy that, not for anything.

The fucker with their food beat his stick against the bars of their cage, calling something cruel and rude about Mai's spread legs. Kakashi bared his teeth against her skin, and she ran her fingers over the back of his neck.

 _Fuckers_.


	6. Chapter 6 cornered

_Day Fifty Seven_

When Kakashi woke sometimes, he found his hands were petting Mai's available skin, catching on the edges of her kimono. He only knew she was waking up when her ankle drew up and knocked against his shin. She sighed.

Kakashi began to draw on her forearm, a swirl and a tip. A swirl and a tip.

The Konoha leaf symbol.

Mai didn't seem to pay attention until the sixth or seventh repeat, and Kakashi knew he had her attention when she turned to watch the movement of his finger. Another moment, for her to connect it with _ninja_. And then she stiffened.

Kakashi put his mouth into her hair, absurdly nervous about her reaction. She pushed against his chest, trying to pull back. He didn't want her to, but his arms were numb, he couldn't hold on.

She tilted her head to find him, and Kakashi was blown away by the sudden, desperate _hope_ in her eyes. Reaching up with one thin finger, Mai mimicked the Konoha's symbol on Kakashi's forehead, and the familiar sign made his breath catch. He nodded, solemnly, and her eyes filled with tears.

Alarmed, Kakashi tucked her further under his arm, and she sniffled quietly. Leaving little open mouthed kisses against anything of Kakashi's she could reach, Mai held back her tears and shook. Remaining still, Kakashi's entire mind focused on the way her breath both heated and chilled the saliva she left behind from her kisses, and he wanted to…

He suddenly wanted to be somewhere else, somewhere where he could respond properly, show her…show her…

He could never complete the thought, but it hung in his mind surrounded with such _meaning_ and _intent_ that he'd never thought in his life that he would have.

The emotions tired her out, and yet before she fell asleep, Mai threw her leg back over Kakashi's hips.

It was an intelligent strategy to fight back against Tetsuo and his 'breeding program', but it _did_ things to Kakashi that he wished he didn't feel.

Two sleeps later, and Kakashi was finishing a mild workout, hanging pull ups from the ceiling bars. The iron creaked with his moving weight, and Kakashi kept the weakness in mind. It could come in handy, if he could manage to rip away part of the cell cage and use it. Sharp metal ends did wonders for tearing through flesh, after all.

Sighing and releasing himself, Kakashi slipped back to solid ground and stretched out his hands, the cramps a mild discomfort before they ebbed away. Kakashi was so _bored_ , but _she_ kept him entertained, even just by the way her facial expressions changed from one emotion to another.

Mai was doing this odd stretching routine that Kakashi likened more to slow moving katas that depended on balance and flexibility. He watched her a while, after using the toilet and as always grimacing at the rank stench that flowed out from it. When she finished, Mai approached and Kakashi immediately reached out for her, like a child gesturing for their favorite toy.

Seizing her hips, Kakashi fell back and bore her above him, taking her full weight and leaving her suspended over his body. Her hair swung back and forth and she reached down his arms. Wriggling, Mai smiled and strengthened her core, stretching her legs out behind her like a dancer.

Letting them fall, Mai reached for him and pouted when he only barely let her down closer to him. Kakashi wanted to grin, probably did because he'd long stopped monitoring his face and couldn't really feel his facial features anymore. There was a blanket numbness that encompassed him, he couldn't really feel superficial pain nor could he feel the ache of muscles.

Only where Mai touched him could he feel the soft warmth of her.

Kakashi eased her down, and Mai fell like a descending angel, wrapping her arms around Kakashi's head and landing fully atop him.

They were languid, this morning.

Mai propped her chin on Kakashi's chest and reached a hand to his throat. Gently, she started to trace the black lines of Kakashi's seal.

This wasn't the first time she'd done this and Kakashi tried to pay attention each time. So far, he'd built the image of the seal in his head as a circular half disk, with different writing on each half, scrawling out like spider lines in every direction.

Mostly, Kakashi savored how her touch felt, in such a vulnerable place.

The thudding echo of steps and voices heralded their meal of the day, or perhaps a fight for Kakashi. Mai didn't move, a glint coming into her eyes that made her move just so that her legs were straddling him and her skirts were hiked up around her hips. She made little motions, little waves of her body that rubbed just right along Kakashi, all of him, and he watched her with lidded eyes.

The way Mai's lips parted and her eyes blazed, Kakashi knew this was _power_ to her, and he let her have everything, anything, she wanted.

By the hot, thick smell of her, she was just as affected by his closeness as he was by hers.

As much as the animal inside Kakashi, the monster, the beast, though of Mai as his –his, his, _mine mine mine_ – Kakashi thought there was something inside of her that decided _he_ was _hers_. Kakashi was perfectly fine with this arrangement, and when the guards rounded the cage door and looked in to find Mai riding him with soft, fleshy noises, Kakashi was both smug and infuriated.

It showed them that he was the only one to have her (never mind that her skirts disguised how they really weren't connected physically), but he should also be the only one to have her. He'd rip out their eyes if they stared long enough.

"Right, Hatake, come on." Tetsuo's right hand man banged his baton – a short, thick stick that hurt when it connected – against the cage door. "It's time."

They'd never used that wording before.

A sudden foreboding overcame Kakashi, and he slowly sat up to sit with Mai in his lap. She hid her face behind his, and Kakashi felt in the shake of her hands that she felt it too.

Rising, Kakashi didn't want to leave. The guards were the opposite of patient. One chuffed, and put his hands into position, making Kakashi's seal hum threateningly. Grimacing Kakashi stepped forward and they went through the whole cage opening, Kakashi steps out, six men surround him with two swords and two with their hands in position for his seal.

They'd learned the last time he snapped one of their necks off hand.

The problem is that the routine didn't finish. The cage door didn't close again, and Kakashi was walked –prodded – forced – away with Mai's cage door still open.

He managed to look back only once, and there was a really big man, tattooed with yellow teeth, standing at the door of his cell _Kakashi's_ cell, _Mai's_ cell, grinning horridly at Kakashi. There was malice in those eyes, violence of a kind Kakashi would never know, and the man's fat fist was gripping the cell door.

Kakashi's mob rounded the corner so he could no longer see, but he _knew_.

Today he would be happy to _die_ , so long as she was safe.


	7. Chapter 7 breathing out

_Day Fuck it_

It wasn't the fighting ring that he was brought, it was a side chamber with a raised stage and a roaming group of people, most with masks.

Kakashi was lined up on that stage, still pinned by three different men and with the seal half ignited to keep him still. Tetsuo was waving around a fan and a gravel, very much the center of attention.

This was an _auction_.

Behind the rage and hatred that flushed through Kakashi at this thought, his mind was still back in the corridor with Mai's open cell door and the man, big, too big for her, even with her wire, fuck, he'd left her behind-

Kakashi wasn't thinking in full sentences anymore. His shoulders bunched and the men on him grunted, another completing the seal for a few seconds of white hot pain.

Growling, Kakashi blinked it away and found that whatever adrenaline was running through him now even overpowered the hold the seal had on his nerves. People in the crowd were looking at him, gesturing with their feathered fans and their handkerchiefs, eyes hidden behind great big mockeries of birds and jewels.

Their lips turned and moved, and Kakashi could see Tetsuo's smirk even from here.

His ears had turned off, however, because Kakashi was able to bunch his fists. The seal was buzzing, but it was motivation, it was the spark behind a tiger's leap, behind the snap shut of fangs. Kakashi's feet planted, he half turned, and one of the men holding the seal tried to shout, igniting it, and Kakashi _leapt_.

The two holding the seal died first, necks broken, the men who tried to pin him down were thrown off with vigor, one slamming backwards into the stone wall.

There were cries of shock, surprise, and then _fear_ , when Kakashi flew off the stage and into the crowd. He chewed through them, man and women falling with broken bones and crushed faces.

Tetsuo screamed something, and his men started to pour in, half ready with weapons. Snapping up a downed man's walking cane, Kakashi sent it through the eye of the first man to reach him. Fortunately, he'd been bearing a crude sword, and that tore through the ensuing melee with extreme prejudice.

Tetsuo was trying to run away.

Kakashi was in the center of the riot, civilians trying to get out of the way of the combatants, Kakashi in their midst killing left and right, red glinting sharingan eye a death sentence for anyone who saw it. Now and then someone would try to activate his seal, but Kakashi could pinpoint their location now, their connection to him and _he sought them out_.

Some he recognized as those who peered in and watched him, gaped at Mai's firm, strong legs, said disgusting things about her body, about his body.

They died badly.

Without realizing, Kakashi found himself searching out victims instead of being surrounded by them, and a flash of white in the corner of his eyes said there was a new enemy. They were mowing through _Kakashi's_ victims and brought his attention onto themselves.

Anbu mask Falcon swung out a kunai to defend from Kakashi's crude metal Khyber, and Kakashi was irritated at the matching of strength. He abandoned the sword and dove forwards, driving the new one back until he had a hold of his kunai arm and was ready to put his fist through their throat.

Recognition was secondary to threat, and Genma was smart enough to realize it. He dropped the kunai he held and snapped out the numbered code that said Konoha, which said _safe_. Kakashi stopped moving, unsure if it was a trick before the shape of Genma's mask filtered in.

Kakashi let it sink in a minute, making it clear to Genma that he wouldn't tolerate a goddamn _move_ outside of what he wanted and then released him.

The gore around them sort of spoke for itself.

"Hey." He rasped, voice dry and useless. There was no time for talking.

"Hey yourself." Genma replied, obviously taken aback but controlling himself. The other's eyes darted over Kakashi's form and the mess around them both. Kakashi knew what the other would see. A dirty, blood covered man made of sinew and muscle, tall and shirtless and maskless in the dark – with killer's eyes.

Not like it was a surprise, Anbu was first and foremost the killers of the forces but here Kakashi was…raw. Not refined, but brutally precise and powerful, intense in his own strength. The seal was an obvious sign though on his neck, quite clearly something that should not be there.

"Sparrow confessed." Genma reported, eyes flickering around. A nearly subsonic growl from Kakashi got Genma's eyes back where they belonged. "After Ibiki got to her. We're twenty strong and the ring is set toblown apart. Time to go home, taicho."

Kakashi took a necessary step back, watching how the tension slipped out of Genma's shoulders…so he had been intimidated then. You could never tell with Genma, he was too good at acting.

Kakashi heard a familiar step, and was instantly on the move, darting away from Genma to find him, to find…

Tetsuo.

The man was trying to subtly remove himself from the room, even as the rest of Kakashi's Anbu team poked through the remains to find recognizable faces and scroll them.

Kakashi was on him in an instant, throwing him into the center of the massacre and marching after. Tetsuo tried to get his hands free form his sleeves in time to make Kakashi's seal, but Kakashi snapped out a hand and broke both of the man's wrists with loud snaps. Tetsuo screamed.

Someone shifted, someone from Kakashi's team. Horse.

Kakashi would deal with him later.

He waited, like a vulture, for Tetsuo to get his breath back and look at him. Genma had the rest of the team scope the room and continue the operation – Kakashi could smell C4 – but his attention was focused on Tetsuo.

"Ah." Tetsuo's face was white, and clammy. He was smiling weakly, bittersweet. "I knew I held onto you for too long."

Kakashi didn't answer.

"Your investment was on the top of the field. I've never made so much money in my life as in the last few weeks with you, _pet_." Tetsuo's lips twisted into an ugly grin. Someone else on the team shifted, but Kakashi wasn't paying attention anymore.

"Too bad I never got to sell your whelps…" Tetsuo was about to go on, drawing in a deeper breath but Kakashi had already moved, popping out his eyes with a quick vicious motion.

Tetsuo screamed longer, shrilly, and tried to scuttle backwards. Keeping hold of the front of his fancy kimono, Kakashi made quick work of kicking both his legs hard enough to break the femurs, making Tetsuo choke on a sudden rush of vomit, his reaction from the pain.

"Taicho." Genma was forced to say. It wasn't like he, or even the team, cared about the sanctity of life, but this overt torture was nearly mindless and reflected quite horribly on their normally cool and calm captain.

If Kakashi was in full control of himself, he would have answered: 'Just completing the mission, Falcon.' But he said nothing. Blood was rushing through his ears and he'd never felt so _present_ in ages. The seal had somehow released its hold and he could _feel_ clearly for the first time in weeks.

Tetsuo was beyond words now, but Kakashi would take them from him anyway. Grabbing hold of the tongue would have been too difficult, Kakashi's hands were too large and he had no tools, so Kakashi's hand went to Tetsuo's neck and squeezed just right, fingers with longer than normal nails punching into the skin and making blood flood down the man's front.

With a crunch, twist, and a rip, Kakashi removed Tetsuo's trachea.

Horse gagged a little, but Kakashi was finished. Tetsuo fell over, dead save for his beating heart that Kakashi listened to until it beat to a stop.

"Taicho." Genma's voice was steady, carefully emotionless, but it was a reminder.

"Come." Kakashi ordered roughly, already moving to the opening where he'd been dragged into the auction chamber. There was no hesitation in his team, they immediately followed. On his way, Kakashi kept picking out bits of flesh and gore from the piece of cartilage in his hand.

It wouldn't last, cartilage eventually dried out, but it's still a good gift. Great even, due to its origins.

But Mai…. _Mai, Mai, Mai_.

Kakashi didn't know what he would do to return and find her harmed. Dead. Different scenarios ran through his mind, but he was too focused, too stuck on simply _going back for her_ , that he ignored everything else.

Now and then a running guard would pop up and they would die between two steps, either by Kakashi's hand or his teams. In short order, they were back at Kakashi's cell corridor, and the smell made more than one of his team hold their breath. Kakashi rushed to the cell door, it was hanging open.

Inside, there lay the body of the fat man, the stillness and smell clearly marking him as dead. Behind him, Mai slumped against the wall, blood running from her mouth, and Kakashi's heart froze.

Then her chest moved, and she raised her head to look at him. She was beaten, bloody, but she was _alive_.

Kakashi entered his cell without a thought, but Genma and the others remained outside. Horse was having something like a panic attack with Mouse calming him down. Genma watched from the doorway.

Crouching, Kakashi approached and, grabbing hold of the fat fucker he lugged him away towards the toilet wall. His eyes were bugged out and his neck was bruised purple, he'd been strangled.

Mai didn't move save for turning her head to watch. Kakashi realized that he could smell her blood, and eyes darting her appearance, Kakashi grit his teeth with a snarl when he found two matching ugly gashes on her feet. On the soles of her feet, effectively crippling her, one of the most sensitive places to injure and they'd sliced right through them both. Touching her knee lightly, Kakashi sucked in a breath through his teeth and mentally killed the fat fucker again.

Mai took in the cloaked and masked figures at the door, and read Kakashi's eyes. She raised a finger and drew a swirl in the air. Kakashi held out his new gift, and the satisfaction in his face must have told her who it was.

"Time to go, Taicho." Genma stressed again, and Mai flicked her eyes at him, taking the trachea with a vicious, pleased little smile.

"Coming." Kakashi replied, standing and motioning Mai to come as well, holding out his arms. She held up a finger.

Tucking her hair behind her ears, Mai scurried on her knees from place to place in the cell, plucking out her gifts from one hidden place to another, ignoring the pain in her feet. Kakashi was bemused, wondering when she had time to squirrel so many things away.

At the end of it, Kakashi plucked her up into his arms so she lay bridal, one arm around his neck, the other cradling her treasures, Tetsuo's trachea still wet on her palm. Her head obviously swam when he stood so fast, and she let it rest against his shoulder. He carried her over the threshold of the cell and into the hall where his team waited. Mouse, a medic, already had green palms and remained beside Kakashi to care for Mai's feet.

"Time to go." Genma said tightly, the trigger for the C4 in his palm. They didn't have much time.

The underground was a ghost town, either Tetsuo had already emptied his ranks (perhaps sending them against Kakashi for culling) or Kakashi's team and the other squad present was much more productive than he thought. Mai was watching darkly over Kakashi's shoulder, seeming smaller and smaller in his arms as they drew further and further away from the cell. Genma rushed them, and Kakashi had to continue reminding himself not to flinch away from team members who got too close, not to snap at Mouse who was caring for ma's feet as best she could.

The bleeding had stopped, and Mai had barely evens winced.

Kakashi breathed in the first tendril of fresh air, and his heart nearly stopped. It was like reality was somehow now unreal, as they drew closer to the entrance and the night sky became visible – the natural light of the moon calmly replacing the burning of the torches in his eyes.

He almost stopped at the exit, but continued with only a slight falter in his steps. The first lungful of fresh air he got, Kakashi didn't want to let go, and Mai leaned her head back in his arms to stare up at the stars and crescent moon.

She began to cry, silent tears slipping down her cheeks to fall away into the night behind them.

Kakashi's hold tightened on her, as he felt the weight of the mountain relieve itself of his shoulders, the emptiness above him calling to him so he might _fly_.

It was exhilarating, it was terrifying.

Genma pulled them to a stop only about ten minutes away from the underground, and not even ten seconds later, a concussive book lit up behind them and the ground shook. Mai's fists tightened and Kakashi heard Tetsuo's trachea squish between her fingers.

Kakashi let Mai down, slowly, under Mouse's orders so the woman could work on the proper tendon placement. His first steps in the outside world had been strong, Mai's were weakened by the pain in her feet and legs, and she seemed emotionally attacked by the soft touch of grass.

He wasn't doing much better, feeling the giving of the earth beneath his bare feet.

Magpie was crouched hidden in the clearing's shadows, a Nara as they come, and maintained his sensory perimeter. They were safe, for now, which is why Genma unsealed Kakashi's mission pack and handed it to him.

The thought of his clothing was almost revolting.

Kakashi retrieved his pants and sandals, stripping down right there to switch out the disgusting remnants of what he won in the ring. Wrapping his calves with bandages felt entirely too constricting, but Kakashi did it anyway with gritted teeth. He drew out his cloth mask and, hesitating, slowly put it on over his neck and mouth. It was suffocating, so he drew it down to simply cling to his chin.

Beside him and finally left alone by Mouse, her feet wrapped, Mai watched him with interest. When he drew out his forehead protector, the cloth flipped to cover his symbol, her eyes sharpened and she reached out.

If it had been anyone else, Kakashi would have slapped away their hand, snapped their wrist, but Mai he allowed to touch and follow the curve of the swirl, the tick of the leaf. The look in her eye was indescribable, and Kakashi swallowed.

He put the headband on his forehead, tilting it over his eye and the familiar comfort, the reminder of _who he was_ nearly made him rip it off.

He was so on edge, and by the way his team was walking on eggshells, they knew it.

Kakashi took out the rest of his armor and thrust the long sleeved shirt, armored with dark unreflective metal, into Mai's arms. She slipped into it with his help, the cloth hanging limply over her thin frame. Kakashi wasn't a bulky man, but he thought it would probably hang over him to same now too.

Last was the cloak and the mask, the cloak which he stuffed Mai into without a second thought. It would be warm and it would keep everyone's eyes off her until Kakashi felt like sharing.

She made an angry noise, much like the growl of a kitten, and he snorted through his nose.

Holding his Dog mask in his hand, Kakashi remembered how desperate he had been in the fight with Watara, how _Dog_ had shattered in his mental grasp and left Kakashi vulnerable, an exposed nerve, just a man or a monster or a beast all in one. It shone white and stark in the starlight.

He contemplated it, Mai curling herself into his arm, tear streaked face dispassionately taking in how the Anbu around them revolved in and out of the darkness. She didn't seem to care about the mask, giving it a single glance before dismissing it. Kakashi thought about putting it on, putting it over his face and turning into Dog again, and his jaw made a grinding noise.

Decision made, Kakashi grunted when he broke the mask with one hand, crumbling it to jagged pieces that fell to the ground. It cut him and he thought it very appropriate.

He was done.

The team had frozen at the sound, all of them watching without ever actually turning their faces towards them. Kakashi wanted to grin bitterly, thinking about the image he made, sitting there on his shirtless ass with a broken woman next to him and his allegiance to Anbu in pieces.

Mai seized his bleeding hand and brought it beneath the hood to scrub the shards from his cuts with her tongue. She spat out the ceramic from the depths of the cloak almost with contempt, but licked up and swallowed his blood.

Kami damn this woman for what she does to him.

Taking the rest that Genma was allowing them, a respite to wait for the secondary team to confirm the mission's success, Kakashi watched Mai finish up with his hand, before bending over the ceramic shards of his mask. She picked out her favorite piece, rounded with just the hint of the Dog's grinning smile, and took in into the folds of her cloak to collect it with the others.

Leaning into him, Mai stifled a yawn and absently touched the grass beneath them. Kakashi let his head fall back so he could watch the stars. It was like his gaze continued out into the blackness, taking him far, far away though he could always feel Mai's warmth at his side. He got lost in the deepness of the sky, not realizing his team was waiting on him until someone made an aborted movement to approach.

Aborted, because all of a sudden Kakashi's body was strung tight, ready to lunge.

"Three days back, Kakashi, can you make it?" Genma held back Horse from his aborted, _stupid_ , movement. The rookie should know better.

Kakashi didn't answer, instead he stood with Mai leaning heavily onto him to get to her own feet. He didn't allow her to rest too long, as immediately the squad moved out and the trees became their home.

Kakashi swept Mai up into his arms the instant they left the ground, and she clung with legs and arms and put her teeth in his shoulder.

He hissed. Apparently she didn't like tree-flying. Or she was angry at him for some reason. Immediately after removing her pearly white fangs, Mai kissed the spot and wrapped her arms tighter around the back of his neck, protecting his vulnerable place. Around them, Kakashi felt more than sensed the rest of the squad coalesce.

Behind them, the forest turned to flame with a loud concussion, reverberating back towards tehm and pushing them on. Mai breathed out in silent relief against Kakashi's ear, lips and hands shaking.

"Does she have a place to go?" Mouse asked carefully, sharing a masked glance with Genma, a pace further in front.

Mai squeezed him, and shook her head though only Kakashi could feel it.

"She does now." He responded, and the rest of their trek went silently. A night passed and then when the sun peeked out, they stopped for a much needed dawn-hour rest. Genma shared a low conversation with Mouse, and Magpie, but Kakashi was more concerned with the way Mai was trying to finger comb her hair. She'd caught several naps on the way, somehow, in some way comfortable enough in Kakashi's arms to _sleep in his arms_. He warmed at the very thought, a rush of something building up behind his eyes, his cheeks, his teeth.

She kept hissing when she snagged on knots, and sat like a lady, her legs demurely under her. Kakashi tilted his head, amused at the image she presented, piled with his clothing, only the bare minimum of her own left, covered in dirt and worse and yet she still remained so _womanly_.

"Get some sleep." Genma ordered, three sentries sent out to perch at the top of the trees and keep an eye out. Kakashi didn't particularly want to, sleep felt like a huge risk in the open without a locked door, but he lied down anyways. The earth was more comfortable than stone, but his eyes remained open, watching the sky turn purple then pink then blue.

Mai huffed, then tapped at his head and slid her legs beneath it. She tugged his headband down over his eyes with such a scolding look that he didn't try to argue, only quirked his lip.

Out of nowhere, Mai stuck her finger in his mouth and searched around his teeth, finding the spot where the one had cracked and she'd dug it out. Humming, she investigating it, before approving and removing her finger.

Kakashi raised his eyebrow at her, and she firmly pushed it back down.

It was time for him to rest, she meant.

The Anbu pace lasted for another half day, then with a protein bar and a drink, they stumbled upon a small stream. Kakashi gestured for Genma, and the man connected the dots quickly.

Both Kakashi and Mai smelled like death gore and the underground, they needed to wash. Mai, currently standing at the water with wide eyes, _beamed_ when Kakashi approached.

Suddenly overcome with an absolute, childish _need_ , Kakashi smirked mischievously and placed a hand on her back. She glanced at him, recognized the little glint and had just enough time to frown and open her mouth before he shoved her bodily into the water.

It wasn't particularly deep, but her squeal and resulting splash was incredibly satisfying. The way she glared at him, rising from the water like a dark-maned wraith was even better.

Then she started taking off her clothes, and Kakashi realized there were entirely too many eyes on them right now. A well placed glare and growl got most of the team to rush away, turning, and Kakashi snorted at them and at himself. He was beign ridiculous, but Mai was now swimming naked with a naughty smile on her face, taunting him as she flowed her way down into the center of hte stream.

Time to bathe, he guessed. Exhaustion melted out of his imbs at the touch of clean water, and it took several separate scrubs to get the scum off his body,. His hair returned to its regular silver and his almost healed wounds were finally pink and clean.

Mai sepnt an inordinate amount of tiem on her hair, with an expression near ecstasy. Even when he finished and he dried in the sun (and wasn't that a novelty), she continued at her leisure, seemingly uncaring tha tKakashi couldn't keep his eyes off her.

"Taicho." Genma seemed to have become the spokesperson during their trip, as only he and Mouse dared to speak to him directly. "We need to press on."

Kakashi knew that, but Mai was using his cloak as a towel, wrapping it around her as she finger combed her damp hair.

"Yes, yes." He was so tired. The bath had cleansed him, but it also made it clear that all he really wanted right now, in the fresh air and the sunshine and the terrible freedom all around, was sleep. And sleep like the dead.

He managed another twelve hours, but before the thirteenth could close (Genma was trying to make up for lost time,) Kakashi collapsed. Hitting his limit and falling to his knees in the middle of the forest, the team startled, grinding to a halt around them.

Mai was shivering, the air blowing past had penetrated the cloak despite Kakashi's best efforts. She reached up and her cold hand touched Kakashi's sweaty face. He panted, body shaking, and grimaced. He felt seconds away from unconsciousness.

"Sir...I can take her."

Mouse, the only female. There were worse people Kakashi would have to trust, but he still eyed her from the corner of his eye.

"Taicho, Mouse will protect her with her life." Genma, watching from behind his mask with careful eyes.

Kakashi released Mai, reluctantly. Mouse very slowly (good girl) took Mai into her arms and lifted her up onto her back. Mouse held her with no problem although Mai was a good foot taller than her.

"Bear, take Taicho."

Kakashi grimaced again, and finally, finally, reached up to slide his mask up onto his face. He felt exposed now, as more _Hatake-Kakashi_ filtered through the cage in his mind,

Bear simply swung Kakashi's arm over his shoulder, and then they were off again and Kakashi could only limply hold on. He was thankful the man didn't bodily pick him up, Kakashi thought, as the rush and tear of the wind flying past would have made him extremely uncomfortable if his feet never touched the ground.

Kakashi grit his teeth and focused his eyes forward. He was determined to see Konoha come into view.

And it did, just in time to see the setting sun bathe its gates with golden light.

"Stop." Kakashi rasped, hand squeezing suddenly on Bear's shoulder before he could take off again towards the anbu entrance, several hundred feet to the left of the gates and hidden. The man stifled a grunt, and Kakashi released him, making a note to himself to not actually use his strength against his teammates. His hands were capable of crushing bone now, and he didn't have the control to contain it.

"Ta-" Genma was getting irritated now, especially with the village, the Hokage, so close but Kakashi merely looked at him, eyes dark and forbidding, and he subsided.

Kakashi stumbled out into the open, despite his teammates knee-jerk reaction – anbu should never be seen unless to show force - and held out his hand to Mai, still captive on Mouse's back.

Without a word, Mai slipped down and, with nary a wince, limped her way out into the road to meet him. Kakashi swallowed, because he hadn't been sure what he was doing until this moment. With Mai hanging onto him, taking small controlled little breathes, Kakashi began to arduously walk towards the gate, body straining.

The team was silent, watching their taicho's painful progress.

At the threshold, Kakashi ground to a halt when Mai did, and she was gaping up at the _height_ of the gate with a look that bordered on distress. Senses heightened, Kakashi noted that the guards had been gently told to 'step out' so only Kakashi's squad and the rest of the rescue team was present. Mai couldn't see them though, so what was she...?

She met his eyes, and he understood.

"Kakashi." She breathed, emotional and overwhelmed by the sudden sense of reality. They were truly, truly, free.

Kakashi stepped forward and gently, oh so gently, drew her into his arms so he could press a kiss, the first of its kind from him, onto her forehead. She shuddered in a breath and swallowed her tears.

Leaning down, Kakashi lifted her in a bridal hold and held her close, feeling on the closer side of an emotional breakdown himself. Walking forward, Kakashi brought Mai into Konoha like a husband brings his wife home, and the way she clutched his shoulders, dug her face into the side of his neck, she knew it.

He made it several steps into the village before something in his leg gave up, and he fell. Mouse was there in an instant, and Mai was removed from him. Kakashi wanted to fight, bunched up his shoulders to do so, but then Genma was at his side and holding him down and they were all rustling away in a burst of leaves.

The last thing Kakashi saw was Mai's concerned eyes, her small little mouth open in worry and thought he imagined her saying "Kakashi...Kakashi..."

He welcomed the darkness.


	8. Chapter 8 remain here and heal

_Chapter Two_

 _Day Seven_

The first night after Mai left him (had to leave, Hokage-sama ordered it, she had to leave) was long and painful, and Kakashi thought he could feel the cold of the stone and the bite of the metal cage. This room wasn't much different than the one they had shared, but it seemed less like Konoha, it wasn't as safe.

The nurse didn't knock when she entered, and so deserved the fright she got when Kakashi nearly killed her. Inoichi caught his hand before it could connect to the woman's spinal cord, and firmly told her to leave.

Kakashi thought medics were supposed to be B-rank chuunins at least. Scorn colored his frown, and he didn't sit down when Inoichi requested it. Sitting would put him too much at a disadvantage. The blonde would invite him to talk, as pointed questions like "What was the cell like," "Who did you fight," and "How did the prison operate". Simple questions, report-like and familiar.

Firstly, Kakashi didn't want to talk about it, not now, not yet. Even the thought of opening his mouth to speak was _wrong_. Secondly, continuing to call it a 'prison' was getting on his nerves because a prison implied something different. Prison, implied deliberate cause and effect. Prisoners were in prison, criminals, the accused, those in the wrong.

That place was a farm, a cultivated breeding stock, property put into pens, owned livestock that had to claw their way to survival amidst shit and rape and cruelty, it turned into torture, _torture_ , _torture_ -

He didn't speak. Not yet. He reverted, and his mask was on and it felt like a metal cage surrounding his teeth, jaw aching with the memory of shattered bone. Desperately, Kakashi clung to the memory of her fingers and her dental tool, because that had to have happened, there was a gap in his teeth that his tongue worried over and over and over. She was real. She had to be. She was out of there, he had gotten her _out_ -

They tried again the next day.

 _Day Eight_

Hisa couldn't quite put her finger on Mai's emotions. The woman was very good at hiding them, for a civilian, and she didn't exhibit the same behaviors Hisa would expect from someone like her placed into a situation like that. There was no hysterics, no suspicion rather than the superficial, no terror at the sight of unfamiliar people. There was trauma, of course, but it was trauma already half acknowledged. Half taken hold of and told sternly to get a grip. Incredible.

All Hisa knew was the un-classified bits of the report the Anbu team had provided, and while it wasn't a lot, it was still enough.

And yet, Mai hadn't said much more than what amounts to: "It was horrible. I am now free."

Interesting case. Unreactive to the point of frigidity. Mentioning Kakashi however, caused a reaction and Hisa thought it was a dangerous line to walk. Either she would bring up Kakashi too much and alienate Mai from her, or mention him too little and never bridge the gap between the woman's emotions and her mask.

Tricky, tricky.

Mai sat properly, unsmiling but not frowning, eyes tracking Hisa's pen. Hisa had already been told of her little collection, bones and bits of ceramic, as well as a small pod Hisa recognized as a dried poppy seed pouch. Mai had made no mention of htem yet,nor did Hisa bring them up.

"Could you tell me, how you came to be held by Okoro Tetsuo?"

Mai's face was bland, and she answered with what she'd already provided several time before, "I was sold by my uncle."

No volunteering of information, but no deliberate freezing out. Fascinating.

 _Day Ten_

Kakashi cured his restlessness by working out, Inoichi noted down, the seal did not seem to affect his physical abilities and yet still strangled his chakra in the toketsu's in his neck. The Sharingan was operating on low capacity, and Kakashi clenched his teeth often – sign of headaches? He had not illustrated a wish to be outside the room, and that was worrying.

"Kakashi, why don't you want to go outside?"

Kakashi deigned him with a glance.

"Can't." The pushups this man was able to do…endless, revolving perfect pushups, it made Inoichi hurt just watching him.

"Can't how?" Inoichi needed more information than that. The way Kakashi twisted his head made it clear enough that he thought Inoichi should leave it alone, leave him alone, but the hesitating pause before an answer told him that Kakashi knew _he had to answer_.

That at least was a step forward.

"Dangerous, for them. Dangerous for me." He said simply. His chest heaved in air but his voice was tight, controlled.

"Are you dangerous?" The look Inoichi got for that one eloquently said 'duh, dumbass.'

Alright, fine. Time to throw out his best bait.

"Is Mai dangerous?" Kakashi's pushups froze, and he stayed motionless in mid-plank. Fucking hell, was the man human?!

Kakashi didn't look at him.

"For a civilian." The answer came just when Inoichi was wondering if he would get one. The warning in Kakashi's tone though, wasn't just dangerous.

It was dangerous and _final_.

Inoichi had to tread lightly. From discussion with Hisa, the two's relationship was a quagmire of little things becoming big things becoming life-changing things. He couldn't be indelicate with this. While he personally believed it was a relationship that could never ever, work in the real world, Kakashi and Mai weren't in a position to care, or even understand.

When you lived in a reality that hinges upon a singular other person who you believe is…yours, then where is _reality_ when that person is no longer there?

"I'm glad you're opening up to me Kakashi. What have you been eating?" Inoichi's work voice was very carefully created, with ninjas like Kakashi in mind. No pity, no interest, no falseness.

"Tch. The same."

Great, we're back to the pushups.

 _Day Thirteen_

"I'm glad you told me about this, I haven't been able to sit down and crochet since my mother passed." Hisa offered conversationally, finding that Mai responded best when there was a clear equal ground. That meant giving up as much as it meant getting. Hence, Hisa sat in her chair and Mai sat in hers and they crochet with delicate needles and well-crafted thread. Hisa suspected that Mai knew how to do many things, from her position in life, and that maybe she didn't really enjoy crochet (neither did Hisa) but it gave her something concrete to do with her hands.

"My instructor was adamant I learn, but we only ever made baby items." Mai kept her eyes on her work.

"It's a good place to start, I suppose, small things and always useful." Hisa took in how Mai's fingers clenched just enough to pop a stitching. She had to rework it. Baby items – high born lady meant to bear heirs. Did Mai not want children? No, that wasn't it. She just didn't want to be bred like a mare for her family's riches.

"I suppose."

There's something there, Hisa thought. Lavender eyes were useful in that they didn't really express emotion the same, so her findings were easy to hide. A blatant 'Do you want children' was going to be too invasive, so maybe Hisa had to offer something first.

"I have several nieces and nephews, many of which are under the age of ten. Never had time for one myself, though my family head wishes me to marry."

Mai was silent. She continued to crochet, and the thread was as perfectly placed as it had ever been. Her hair fell like a curtain over her shoulder, and Hisa muffled a brief, ridiculous pang of admiration.

"Would you not be forced to marry, if that is your head's wish?" Mai inquired, quietly and without spark, as if the question didn't mean anything to her.

Hisa knew better.

"The Sandaime has passed legislation in the last five years that any clan that wishes to enforce an arranged marriage needs the council's approval, and that includes the Hokage himself." Hisa smiled, when Mai took a risk to look at her. "Even if the couple were coerced, one or another could petition the council and claim their protection. This new law has greatly reduced unwanted arranged marriages, as well as clan defections."

Mai contemplated this for a moment. Thumb moving in circles on the fabric she held.

"There were only a few children in the palace. None had the birth to be allowed in my presence. I could hear them laughing, sometimes." Now that was vulnerable, and Hisa put down her crochet. She reached over and clasped one of Mai's hands. The woman stopped, pausing her work to look up at HIsa, maintaining eyecontact even though many civilians found the Hyuuga's lavender pupils disconcerting.

"There are many children in Konoha, and our village is special in that there is no segregation between civiians and shinobi. At most, there are clan compounds, but no clan is so secretive as to bar entry to non-clan visitors." She volunteered this information, and watched how Mai catalogued this, considered the ramifications, and rewarded her with a shy, genuine smile.

A breakthrough.


	9. Chapter 9 lead me up out of the dark

Day Fifteen

Kakashi threw his hospital lunch bowl of strawberries across the room, hard enough that they splashed against the wall and painted it red. Inoichi only got a garbled, shockingly beast-like growled noise when he asked, and Inoichi step back from it.

Probably a too sore spot that didn't need to see the light of day.

"Could you tell me, what happened to your jaw?" Inoichi lifted an x-ray of Kakashi's skull, tapping the end of his chewed pen to the shiny lump of scar tissue.

"Broken tooth." Kakashi frowned, brows drawing down low over his steel eye. He stood at the window, arms crossed, staring at the village bustle like it was an especially bad movie.

"How?"

"Punch."

"When?"

" _Fight_."

"Which fight?"

"…" a dark glare, freezing enough to chill Inoichi's blood.

Well this wasn't going anywhere.

Day Sixteen

Mai was finally exhibiting a typical reaction. She woke with a nightmare, hands scrabbling at her bed covers, searching, before she stumbled ungracefully off it, tucking herself down and into the corner. She huddled there, hands over her face, with long, low moans of pain breaking their way passed gritted teeth.

Hisa arrived not even thirty minutes later, when the crisis had passed and Mai now crouched there with dead, hollow eyes. The Hyuuga approached calmly, kneeling down several arm lengths away so as not to crowd.

"What happened, Mai?" She said, soft and light.

Mai closed her eyes, face drawn and tired. Tear tracks made her complexion splotchy, and the tip of her nose was red.

"I was afraid. I thought I was back, back there, back in. Before I met him."

"Before you met…Kakashi?"

"Yes."

Mai swallowed, dry enough that her throat clicked. Hisa retrieved some water from the bathroom, returning to find Mai shifted, forehead pressed against the wall, arms wrapped around herself.

Handing over the water, Hisa remained silent while Mai sipped her way through the glass. Her patience paid off, as when the cup emptied, and Mai was staring at the bottom of it, a few drops sliding around, she gave a broken, teetering laugh.

"Who am I?" Mai raised her head, staring through Hisa. "Who am I now?"

"You are Mai, soon to be citizen of Konoha."

"Who was I?" Mai continued, as if she couldn't hear her. "Who am I supposed to be? I wanted him there, Hisa," Mai started to cry, tears slipping over her cheeks even as her face twisted up into something inhuman. "I wanted to wake up and he would be there, even if we were still in that _cage_ , I wanted him there, I can't be without him anymore, I'm, I'm without him now, what do I do?! What do I do, what do I do, _what do I do_ -"

Hisa slipped forward, even as Mai collapsed towards her, clutching the woman close as she sobbed painfully, body quaking with it. Hisa blinked back tears and simply rocked, knowing no amount of words or pretty favors could fix this, not now.

Day Nineteen

"Kakashi, you have to look at me sometime."

"No, I don't."

Amused, Inoichi watched how Kakashi kicked his feet, head hanging over the bed. He lay sideways over it so he bent awkwardly and stared at the door upside down. He was acting childish, uncaring, stubborn, and a little whiney. It was a little ridiculous, as only several days ago Kakashi had been on the verge of violence, now he seemed like nothing could touch him.

Inoichi wanted to sigh.

"How is she?"

A question, the first of its kind. Inoichi turned to look at Kakashi, not making a secret of his sudden interest.

"You know I can't say much."

"But you can say something." Kakashi still didn't look at him, and the look on his face wasn't desperate, which was a good sign. It was…sad, however, sullen without the sour, solemn without the grief.

Just sad.

Inoichi felt his heart twinge, and remembered how the two of them had looked at one another whilst in isolation, curled up in the bed with the softness of lovers and touching lightly as though every brush of fingertips on skin was the most intimate of things.

"She's doing well." Inoichi almost stopped himself from saying it, but the awareness in Kakashi's eyes was too great an opportunity. "Recovering steadily. She weighs more now. She speaks more often."

"That's good." Kakashi barely breathed it.

Time for some deeper questions.

"How did you meet her?" Inoichi asked, no pressure in his voice, curiosity but not too pushing.

Kakashi rolled his ankle in the air, hands tapping something out on his stomach. Only yesterday had Inoichi been able to convince Kakashi into a proper shirt, and now with his long sleeves, face mask, and headband, he looked more like himself.

"Tetsuo wanted me to fuck her." Kakashi stated blandly, watching the ceiling. "I was an investment, apparently a lot of money went into buying me, but he wasn't just thinking short term. He wanted my children."

"Your children?" This was clan stealing at its worst, the Hatake clan had always been small but famous, if not for their ninja abilities then for their past history as samurai. Kakashi was the last, and to try and force progeny? Monstrous. Inoichi swallowed down that familiar lump, the horror of Kakashi's situation can't touch him, not yet, not while Inoichi knew Kakashi was cataloguing every move he made, down to his breathing.

"He tried first with other women, broken ones, ones he thought I'd like. When that didn't work he gave me younger. Then a boy. I should have killed them." Kakashi ground his teeth, jaw flexing. Inoichi remembered the x-ray and of the massacre that his bottom jaw had become. Killed…who?

"Killed them?"

"Tetsuo didn't like that I wouldn't touch them. I'd just let them sleep. So he'd hand them over to the animals across the hall, and they'd be raped to death. They couldn't even scream by the end. I should have broken their necks before that. I should have been stronger." Kakashi's almost discussion like tone was itching its way under Inoichi's skin. His fingernails felt like they were curling up off his fingers. Kakashi seemed so dulled, a knife without a point, a fire without flame.

"Then he gave me Mai," Kakashi's voice went quieter, gentler. "She was different, untouched, unbroken. He knew who she was, I guess, and knew our children would be of better stock. He hadn't raped her yet, even though they all wanted to. I didn't touch her."

There was a hesitation there at the end, a small blip. A lie? No, more just a misdirection. From what Inoichi saw, they absolutely did touch, but perhaps not sexually?

"She stabbed him once, you know," Kakashi tilted his head to grin upside down at Inoichi. His grin was less joyful and more proud viciousness. A baring of sharp teeth. "With her homemade shiv, she stabbed him and threw it at me, she saved my life fighting Watara."

"She sounds like a strong woman."

Kakashi grunted, before sitting up. They were silent for a while, Inoichi letting this new information settle in, Kakashi wrapped up in memories.

"She was mine, when I was in there, and I was hers. Warm when everything was cold." A look entered his eye that Inoichi had never seen before, not from Kakashi. "She…reminded me about…everything."

"How so?"

Kakashi battled with himself. Inoichi almost held his breath, this was more _Kakashi_ than he'd seen yet. It made hope spring up in Inoichi's chest.

"I'd start thinking I had always been there. It wasn't a very long time, but it felt like a life. It turned into…my life. The dark of it, the torches, it felt like I was always sleeping, always fighting. Rare sleep, rarer food. Mai would be there with me, and she gave me reason to be awake, something to think about, to look at. She helped me when I was healing, she woke me from my fever dreams. She was beautiful." Kakashi didn't seem to realize he was talking anymore, and that could be either a good or bad thing.

"It took me a long time to give her my name, she gave me hers first. She never spoke without meaning, and smiled even less. But she knew how the world worked, and she knew _me_ somehow…" Kakashi's brows furrowed.

"You protected her, she protected you." Inoichi commented, quietly.

"Yes." Kakashi replied, just as quiet.

They sat together for a long time, before Inoichi found his time was up and he had to leave. Kakashi stayed where he was, and Inoichi hoped the expression on his face wasn't what he thought it was. But, of course, reality intruded and Inoichi realized it just as much as Kakashi did. Unless the two could meet on equal terms in equal circumstances, Mai and Kakashi could…could never be, not in the same way.

Civilians rarely got together with ninja, and for good reason. Kakashi, as the last Hatake, as one of the village's most battle-ready, one of the highest ranked….he was even less typical. Let alone adding in the trauma they shared, the Anbu confidentiality, there was no possible way they would ever be allowed to meet again.

So Kakashi sat there, with heartbreak written across his face.

And Inoichi couldn't help but pity him.

Day Twenty-three

"Who is Kakashi to me?" Mai repeated, comfortable enough with Hisa now that they merely drank tea and talked on every visit. She contemplated the question, the silence dragging out long and slow. Hisa didn't rush her, finding that Mai would speak when she wanted to, not before.

"He…" Mai started, eyes drifting upwards. Her hands clutched the teacup, warming themselves. "I was alone when I was sold, and Tetsuo kept me on hand. Kept me clean. I was to be given to his best fighter, and I was. Kakashi was not who I was expecting. I would rather die than become what I saw there and Kakashi….Kakashi became it and then surpassed it. He took it into himself and became something greater."

"How so?" Listening, Hisa noticed how each sentence Mai uttered was full and complete. She would speak, finish, and then speak again. As if Mai thought long and hard about each and every word she spoke, changing course if it didn't finish the way she want it to, crafting it like a fine tradeswoman. It was an interesting manner of discussion, and it brought gravity to her words.

"When I entered his cell, he didn't even move. Not for hours. He watched me, sure, took in everything about me, but he didn't move. He knew I had a weapon. I even fell asleep, and woke to find him still there." Mai was almost awed at the memory, voice softening to a point that Hisa almost felt like she was intruding.

"As we were left alone together, I was brought out to see him fight only once, when Tetsuo had been certain Kakashi would lose." Mai smiled, and it was surprisingly vicious, "Kakashi didn't lose. He was hurt, badly, and needed to survive even a week beyond his fever and the sweats and the infection, but I decided then that he would. And he did. He was kind and gentle and careful. He became so…so _important_."

Tears welled into her eyes, Hisa reached without thinking to take the woman's hand. Mai grabbed onto her.

"He was _mine_ , Hisa. Even in that place, with Tetsuo's cruelty, his rage, his tricks, Kakashi became mine and I was his and it was a good thing. I…I could have died there, not really happy but content enough. If I had to die there, in that horrific place, I would have liked to die with Kakashi." Mai blinked, lips trembling and emotional and Hisa guessed she hadn't even realized it herself.

"Now you're here." Hisa prodded gently.

"I'm here, and I cannot see him, I cannot hear him breathing. I fear-" She stopped.

"What do you fear?" Sympathy, something Hisa did not have to fake.

"I fear I will never see him again." Mai weakly smiled. She shook her head, long black hair falling softly over her shoulders. If it had been anything other than midnight black, Hisa would think Mai had some Hyuuga blood in her. Her family had largely blue black hair however, and Mai's was as dark as pitch shadow.

"It is foolish." Mai spoke again, and the look in her eye stalled Hisa from saying anything. She turned soft and melancholic and lovely. "I am a foolish woman."

It hurt to see her hope diminish by the day, but keeping it alive was not a part of Hisa's orders. It would be better for everyone to just …move on.


	10. Chapter 10 stumble and fall

Day Thirty

Kakashi was no longer overtly violent. A month in intense therapy, isolation, and Inoichi's personal hand in it all had gotten his walls built up once more. They were shaky, and crumbling in a few well-worn places, but they held. He would never be the same as he had been, but he wasn't going to attack his fellows without severe provocation. He would be able to craft a façade for public use, and in time he would relax into it but until then, Inoichi would advise him to release the physical energy in a healthy manner. Gai could help, if nothing else.

The seal on his neck was still a worry, however, and Sandaime-sama was quite clear on that point. No chakra, not until Jiraiya arrived to take a look. (It was carefully ignored, that Tsunade would have been a much better option for Kakashi's survival. All three Sannin were proficient in the sealing arts, but Jiraiya's and Tsunades skillsets were rather opposites. Jiraiya was much, much better at barriers and land—effecting seals while Tusnade had perfected body modification seals, much like her own.)

(Everyone sidestepped the fact that Kakashi was shit out of luck, nothing would make Tsunade step one foot back in the village)

He was released to house arrest that evening, and was walked to his door by both Inoichi and a hidden Anbu escort. He bored only his release papers and the clothes he wore going in. They sat wrong on his shoulders, his weight only now stabilizing. It bothered him a little now, the constant surveillance.

It had a purpose, yes, so he doesn't regress but Kakashi felt like he was in control. He felt more centered.

He also felt stifled, like he'd locked away a vital portion of himself, kicking and screaming, and the vague sense that it was still there somewhere should have worried him. Oddly, it didn't, and here Kakashi was at his door.

"It was frozen by the Hokage during your mission," Ah yes, the 'mission' cover for his absence. "You may want to replace what's in the fridge. Or just, the whole fridge really." With a strained smile, Inoichi handed him his keys (his own keys! Did they break into his locker at headquarters?), and left with a wave.

He owed a lot to Inoichi, but Kakashi was glad to see him go.

His apartment room was large and empty, the window closed and the air still. Dust covered everything, but Kakashi saw nothing was missing, nothing was moved. Just how he left it.

Home had never had meaning before, and it didn't now. It was a place, like any other. It smelled better than the cell though. When he lied down to sleep in his starched bed, Kakashi briefly – _briefly_ – thought about a warm body with soft skin lying next to his, and let himself despair.

If tears soaked into his headband and rolled over his cheek into his pillow, Kakashi simply marveled that his body could produce them at all.

 _She would have kissed them away._

Day Thirty-Four

"Come, Mai-chan." Hisa smiled and led the other out the door. "The Hokage wants to see you."

"Wasn't I supposed to make my own appointment?"

"Yes, normally, but you've never been in Konoha before. He wants to make the transition painless."

"Kind of him." Mai followed the other half a pace behind, and they thankfully, didn't have to go very far at all.

The Hokage Tower had the most defendable position in the village, with the Academy at its feet and the hospital only a few buildings away. The mountain with the Hokage's faces loomed overhead, and Mai seemed to take it in with great interest. The few people who passed them by on their own errands were noticed, catalogue, and then ignored for the most part. Mai had not seen many people since she had arrived here, and now the open sky above her was nearly too much.

Hisa could tell Mai was uncomfortable only by the way the woman walked, with her hands folded in front of her. But beyond that, Mai looked around at the liveliness of the village, of the shinobi and civilians living happily together. Momentarily, Hisa was overcome with pride for her village, and love for her people. She also hoped that the curious look in Mai's eyes would grow into hope for a new life.

She deserved it.

Whatever Mai was expecting with her meeting with the Hokage, getting a quick once over interview and a stack of documentation wasn't it. He also provided her the numbers of good landlords, and of a job board he thought she would fit.

"Thank you, my dear, for your patience." The Sandaime smiled, old and grandfatherly. Mai was hard pressed to see him as the dangerous shinobi he must be. "I hope you can be happy here."

"I hope so too, Hokage-sama." Mai smiled, understanding how so many shinobi could revere him, he was kind and just. A great leader.

"Just one thing. Tell me, for an old man's curiosity," Sarutobi watched her, scraping the bowl of his pipe. "Was it just Kakashi that made you wish to be in Konoha? Did you follow him because he was the one…imprisoned with you?"

Mai didn't really have an answer. But she searched her soul for it, remembering, carefully amidst pain and fear the way Hisa had taught her, looking for the shining moment when Kakashi had shown her who he was.

The drawn Konoha symbol on her skin, on his forehead. The realization that she was with a powerful, powerful man, a _ninja_ , from the one village her father, her family, her people, idolized.

"Because, I would say, Hokage-sama," Mai started, slowly, lingering on Kakashi's soft touches in her mind, "that when I realized Konoha was who would come for us, Konoha who never leaves a man behind, I had hope. If Kakashi was one of their best, then the rest of Konoha could only be a better place than I ever knew."

The Hokage smiled, eyes contemplative and serious, and nodded to her.

Then, Mai was booted out by the Hokage's assistant, Hisa walked her to the Tower's door, and she was left on her own. Hisa gave her a small hug before she left, and Mai got the feeling she wasn't allowed to seek her out. Another person who she wasn't allowed to talk to again. Something panged, deep in her throat, but Mai took the feeling in her teeth and swallowed it once more. Possibly, she was being tailed by an undercover Anbu or otherwise for monitoring, but Mai had no hope of noticing them.

But, here she was. Alone, in a new village, with only a file folder of documents and a monthly stipend that would last only three months until she had to pay her own way.

Right.

Mai swallowed the pit of fear, anxiety, and heart-tearing loneliness in the shape of a man with silver hair and raging, powerful eyes. She could do this. She hadn't faltered yet, she wouldn't now when she finally, finally, seemed like she was free.

Day Forty-Six

Jiraiya arrived in Konoha dirty and tired. He was grumpy about it too, certain he was missing out on the leads he'd been following, and what was this about a seal on the brat? What did he care?

Ahh, an Uzumaki seal. Now that was interesting, why didn't you say so?

As much as Kakashi respected the man, Jiraiya was rather frustrating. Irritating. Like a gnat who could kill you with one blow.

The first time Jiraiya reached out for Kakashi's neck, obviously not having read the briefing, Kakashi nearly bit his arm off.

Swearing, Jiraiya stepped back, staring even as Kakashi shook himself, glowered, and left in a puff of smoke. The Sandaime sighed, rubbing his face with both hands, and was tempted to ignore Jiraiya's beseeching look.

"What _happened_ , Sensei?"

"If you read the file, Jiraiya, I wouldn't have to tell you." Sarutobi felt his age, and dug out his pipe. Nothing a good shot of tobacco couldn't fix. Kakashi would crawl out of his den eventually.

It took several days before Kakashi felt mildly at ease in the larger man's presence, and permitted Jiraiya access to his neck. The beast inside him roiled and paced, but Kakashi clenched his hands hard enough e could feel the bite of his nails through his gloves and remained still.

Jiraiya hummed and hawed, switching between his notes and Kakashi's neck for several long minutes. Kakashi felt despair crawling up on him, eyes locked on the ceiling, body tight with tension.

Jiraiya made an interested noise, mumbling around a pen. "Uzumaki grade, definitely, but mangled. It was supposed to be a medical seal I think, like a portable defibrillator, and honestly, Tsunade would be able to tell me exactly what they did to this, it's so different from any normal seal. All round and squiggly instead of blocky and strong."

"Can you remove it?" Sarutobi exhaled smoke through his nose.

"Well, yeah, but it'll hurt." Jiraiya tapped Kakashi's shoulder, and he twitched. "It will set it off. The process will take about sixty seconds to undo, and it will light for that time. Can you handle that?"

"I'll have to." Kakashi's voice was dusty and tight, but his gaze remained strong.

"Now?"

"Now." Kakashi sighed, giving it up for a bad job and removed his mask completely. Thankfully, Jiraiya and Sarutobi didn't even blink an eye, as Kakashi sat in a simple wooden chair.

Sarutobi made a sign, and an Anbu phased out of the wall, the medic Mouse. At least one will be on hand in case Kakashi's heart gives out.

Kakashi flicked a finger at Mouse's salute, and then leaned his head back, trying to prepare himself. Memories were packed tight around him, like they were hovering just out of sight, of the stink and dark and the white blinding pain.

Mai came to his mind, her form, her face, her smell, and the sounds she made when she slept. His hands physically ached to touch her again, the absence of her shot a deep spear of pain and hurt and cruel love through him.

Oh gods, how he wanted her with him, wanted her to cover him with her hair and skirts and body like she did then. Wrap him up with her and let him be _nothing_ in her arms. Protect him. Kakashi closed his eyes as Jiraiya put a kunai between his teeth. He reached up and slipped his hitaiate down over them so he had an extra layer of dark, had cloth to soak up the water leaking from the corner of his eyes.

Everything in him burned for her, and Jiraiya hadn't even lit the seal yet.

"Alright Kakashi," Jiraiya's voice seemed to come from far away. Kakashi dissociated enough that he could imagine Mai right there, behind him, his head pillowed on her thighs, her breasts brushing over his head, her lips warm and dry on his skin. "Three, two, one."

White, blinding pain, electricity charged under his skin to tear apart his nerves. His last thought before passing out was,

 _Mai_.

Day Fifty-Nine

She was a boring assignment, Tenzo thought, but rather interesting as well. The woman he was set to monitor for six months was mild-mannered and courtly, like every civilian woman seemed to want to be like, and yet she would betray herself in several, tiny little ways.

For one, she had a collection of bone pieces he kept under her pillow. What civilian woman had a small sack full of bones – fingers, toes, what looked like a piece of a man's jaw?! Why did T&I allow her to keep those? And, what made her sleep with them so close within reach?

For another, she moved like nobody else Tenzo had ever seen. Not even the court women, the princesses and wives of powerful men, they only looked like they were trying to imitate _this_ woman. She moved like a dancer, living up to her name, and spent nearly an hour ever morning contorting herself into holds, flexes, and positions Tenzo didn't think even he could do.

She spoke with calm surety, she moved with certainty, and slept peacefully without tossing or turning.

It was remarkable.

The rumor that she had been involved with senpai's capture, the two month period where he was nowhere to be found, was just icing on an already fascinating mission. He wanted to know, curiosity damn him, but it was classified beyond his pay grade and senpai was a tricky man to track down on a good day.

Sometimes he thought she could sense him, somehow, but she never really responded to it. No paranoia, which was odd, and no frustration at trying to fit into a new village, which was odder.

His relief appeared in the branch behind him, teammate, the one who had found them. Falcon nodded at him before setting up shop, leaning comfortably against the chimney on the opposing building to her window. Tenzo wanted to ask him about it, how he found her and Kakashi and the mission that nobody spoke about, but Falcon waved him off and it wasn't his place anyways.

Senpai had embraced the 'eccentric jounin' image anyways, clearly he was moving on enough. The woman seemed to be as well. Very pragmatic this one. Very practical.

Day Sixty-One

Kakashi was slowly reintegrating himself into society. He wanted to stay aloof, didn't want to actually make contact again, but that would never be allowed. The memorial in the mornings, a small stroll in the afternoons, and perusal of the bookstores every second evening. Every Saturday, he met with Inoichi in a meeting room that was neither underground, nor with a lockable door. Routine. Careful, careful routine.

Eventually, he ran into someone who knew him.

"Eternal Rival!"

Of course, it was Gai. Even though the green beast charged at him, teeth bared and muscles bunched, Kakashi didn't feel as challenged as he expected. Gai knew his place in Kakashi's life, and that meant Kakashi's dark inner center could let him be.

"Gai." He responded, slightly flat and unused voice dull and emotionless. It gave Gai just a millisecond of a pause.

"How fares your day? I am glad to hear you are back in one piece!"

"Just fine." Kakashi answered. Wondering if he was expected to offer some conversation, if that was what was expected right this instant in a social situation like this. Kakashi asked, awkward and dry, "How goes yours?"

Gai beamed as if this was a declaration of love and youth. "Fantastic! I am just about to scale the Hokage Monument with one hand tied behind my back as strength training, would you like to join me? We can make it a race!"

In all honesty, Kakashi wanted to go back home, crawl into bed, and lose himself in memories of long dark hair. But the ever present ghost of Inoichi on his shoulder told him physical activity with a colleague and peer would expend his restless energy better than lingering in the dark.

"Sure." Kakashi shrugged, and put away his book.

Gai obviously expected Kakashi to ignore him, or reject him, or do any of the other random things he would do in the past to escape his company, so this quick acceptance threw him off for only a beat. Understanding flashed through him.

"Excellent! Come, my Rival, let us test our strength against one another! First to the top of the Monument wins!"

They blow passed stalls and civilians and other shinobi, neck and neck, and Kakashi lets himself, just this once, to delve into the strength of his legs, the strain in his arms, and the sweat that slipped from his pores. No chakra meant he had to be careful of his ligaments and tendons, and in the end, Gai won by only an arm length.

The good thing about Gai, Kakashi thought as he sucked in air, collapsed at the top of the Monument and feeling loose and tested, is that he didn't bother asking questions.

For today at any rate, the loneliness that surrounded his soul eased.

Day Seventy Six

Mai had gotten a job, Inoichi discovered, impressed despite himself. She had taken a month to work out her place in the village and then another two weeks for job hunting. For a woman like herself, who had a fabricated yet thin backstory, Mai could claim few possible useable skills. She focused on a few things she thought she could do, and do well, and that included child minding, lute playing, tea making, and scribe work.

She ended up doing all of those, and for a large, prominent family as well. The Aburame.

How curious!

She had approached a hiring agency and they had this position waiting – most applicants did not last out the Clan's three interviews. Mai blew through all three and if she was unnerved by the Aburame way of life, of the bugs that were _everywhere_ , she didn't betray herself in voice or expression.

In fact, she took especial care whenever she entered the Aburame compound, just because she had been told how important the bugs were to their lifestyle. The children warmed to her quickly, as she spoke nearly as formally as they did when she caught on to their quirks, and the elders appreciated her presence to help them with their daily needs.

After a trial month, she was a regular installment of the Aburame clan household, and had gained a salary that helped her live comfortably as well as with enough to save.

Inoichi felt strangely proud of her, even though he'd spoken with her less than three times since she arrived. Her path out of the dark was unprecedented, both of theirs were really. They bounced back remarkably well. Her especially for being so civilian. Really, it just taught him to ignore his own biases, some civilians had harder spirits than shinobi. Mai's was fierce, and proud and solemn.

Shibi kept him updated, however, and the Aburame had good things to say. Rarely though it was, Mai sometimes had spells of despair. The fear in her eyes, the deep, bone weary terror that made the whites of her eyes stand out and her hands shake and tighten on anything in reach, made Inoichi remember that she was civilian. That she was still healing and would probably do so for the rest of her life.

The woman was lonely to a degree that made Inoichi's chest hurt, made him hug his daughter when he returned home after her meetings, made him think of Kakashi and his thinly veiled self-hatred.

Should they be put back into contact? Everything in Inoichi's extensive knowledge told him that was a Bad Idea, but the evidence before his eyes told him otherwise. They were lingering, both of them, wasting away time just thinking about the other. And yet memories of each other were steeped in pain and agony and torture and fear. Could they rewrite those memories with good ones?

Inoichi didn't know. So he went by the book, by policy, and watched with Hisa in the background how their charges fumbled in learning how to live again without another heart next to theirs.

What a mess.


	11. Chapter 11 burns and hurts

Day One Hundred

Kakashi kept a tally. It was drawn over the picture of the calendar in his apartment, a bland picture of some painted trees and a lake. A few months behind. The black pen marks nearly blocked out the image, tallied by five, each one days since he stepped back into Konoha ( _carrying her like a bride_ ).

He'd counted, the first night he was back home, the days in the hospital ( _with her_ ). And continued tallying. Now that it hit a hundred, it felt like he was finished with it, standing useless there counting lines. More like, it was finished with him, and Kakashi now hovered, directionless, unsure what to do next.

Kakashi scratched his chin. Well, he could go find Gai. Or Genma, go get a drink?

Kakashi dithered. He wasn't supposed to _dither_.

Maybe a bowl of ramen, he was craving something salty.

Day One Hundred and Fifty-one

Mai got the sense it was some kind of memorable day. Soren, the youngest Aburame boy she watched in the mornings while his mother was working, handed her a crudely drawn butterfly, black with lines of red. Impeccably drawn, most likely with a ruler. A gift, the first of its kind.

The next girl, five years older at eleven and the only child to wear pink dragonfly barrettes in her hair (the only 'girly' accessory in the entire compound, Mai suspected), gave her a bento that had a large beetle sloppily made out of seaweed in the center.

She sung to the three triplets, civilian Aburames without the kikaichu systems, all three with their glasses pushed up to their hair, beautiful golden eyes copying her movements on their practice lyres as she pulled and plucked strings. At the end of practice, two gave her a handshake and the last a brief, shocking half hug, before they left. Physical contact was also, not the norm.

Shino Aburame, the Clan heir, walked with her to the gate this time, walking only a few inches away, speaking of a new green beetle he found at the Naka River, and how he wanted some of his kikaichu to take on that color for camouflage purposes.

"It has been seventy-five days since you came to us." Shino said in his child-high but serious voice. "Why is this important? Because seventy five is an auspicious life span for any insect, and we count it as a full year in the compound. I hope you have been thanked appropriately." Shino didn't hug her, but he allowed her to lean over and kiss his forehead. He shuffled his feet, before nodded, and leaving, buzzing a little louder than normal.

She drew back, tears in her eyes and a beaming smile on her face, more expression than she usually allowed herself in the compound. Aburames generally didn't appreciate overly affectionate displays, which is what made the day so special to her. They showed their appreciation in a manner that she, as a civilian non-clan member, would enjoy the most. How amazing.

She breathed in when she got to the street, the gate guard closing the door behind her and giving her a nod.

Today was a good day.

Day Three Hundred and Four

They caught glimpses of each other only once in that first year. It wasn't simultaneously. Mai saw him first, and then Kakashi saw her only as she turned away.

Kakashi stood with Kurenai, the newly minted Jounin and Asuma, porn book in hand as he listened to the conversation without interjecting much. By her pursed lips, Kurenai did not approve of his reading selection but felt like she was too new to make a fuss about it.

Rounding a corner, Mai caught sight of him, his tall shock of silver hair, his mask, his headband slung over one, scarred eye she knew by heart, as Asuma punched him companionably in the shoulder. The large Sarutobi laughed, as Kakashi quipped something, one eye bored and lazy. He was healthier, filled out, comfortable in his skin.

By comparison, Mai suddenly felt ill and sickly, ugly and gawky. She hadn't gained the right amount of weight yet, most foods tasted like ash in her mouth. Her hair hung heavily, weighing her down, and her plain, sensible brown dress and shoes were completely _unflattering_. She was no longer special.

Tears sprung to her eyes, as an old, cracking scar opened once more. How foolish, Mai thought to herself, breathing deeply through her nose and pressing a hand to her chest. How foolish was she? Thinking she was special just because of him, thinking she was something special at all. She's just a woman, just a woman in the civilian world. There's nothing wrong with that, and she was arrogant to believe that she was…that she was better? Her upbringing poisoned her still.

It wasn't his fault she had clung so tightly to his memory. Clung so tightly to what they became together.

It wasn't her fault either.

Hisa had warned her. Had said that as a military village, a man like Kakashi could have no chinks in his emotional armor. Mai could be free of it all, free of every reminder of that horrible place. But Mai had never said, never told Hisa how Kakashi hadn't _reminded_ her of the pain and the hurt and terror….

Kakashi was a shining light in her memory, a place of safety and kindness and wholeness.

But then, as a therapist, Mai could almost hear Hisa say to her 'Growth is so important now, growth beyond who you were into who you could be. Leave the memories behind. You must. He must.' But Mai, Mai couldn't. She _couldn't_.

This had gone on too long. Mai shook out the pain in her shoulders, straightened her spine, swung her shopping back onto her other hip and turned on her heel, nearly bumping into a random Inuzuka and his ninken.

The Inuzuka raised an eyebrow at her splotchy, upset face, but ignored her, moving on. The large warrior dog brushed against her knee, warm and fuzzy and alive. Mai told herself she was going to move on too. Maybe she should get a dog. Or a cat. Something to fill the empty space in her heart and in her home, because she was _stupid_ enough to convince herself she could, for some stupid, silly reason, _wait_.

Mai didn't look back, and so didn't see Kakashi spot her, stiffen, and take a stumbling, gut wrenching step towards her.

She went home, she put away her groceries, swept the floor, opened the window to dust out the house, and found her small bone collection. Touching them all only once, white dusty bone pieces of fingers and toes, the jaw, the tiny piece of scalp, and the piece of Kakashi's mask. She let herself, only once, touch them all, and hold them to her lips, before tying the pouch up and putting it into the back of her junk drawer. It was left there, behind pens and pencils, old notebooks, ribbons and tape. Mai very deliberately, closed the drawer.

She whisked the tears from her eyes and reached high, bending to crack her back with a loud satisfying sound. _Right_. Time to get on with it. Something sour in her heart eased, just a tiny bit, and Mai smiled to herself, bittersweet.

It wasn't Kakashi's fault she had been left behind. He'd done his job, he got her to the village, he had got her _out_. There was nothing more Mai could ask of him. She kicked off her shoes and began to sing, loud and then louder, to drown out her own heart.

"Kakashi?" Kurenai asked, as Kakashi had stopped in mid-sentence, book dropping like it was nothing, and he lurched. She glanced over to see if anything had spooked him, if there was a threat, but all she could see were civilians and shinobi, moving about the marketplace like they did every day. "What is it?"

Asuma frowned, about to speak, but then Kurenai got a glance into Kakashi's eye, as he relaxed, slumping, turning into something other than the unflappable Hatake Kakashi she knew.

He looked _tortured_ , exposed eye dark and so utterly hurt Kurenai instinctively reached for him, shocked.

"Ah." Kakashi said, voice thick and tripping over itself. The two seemed worried, he had to leave, he had to keep up the social image though what does he do _now_ -"See you." He fled. Puffing away, Kakashi appeared several buildings over on a roof, clutching his head.

Mai. Oh, Mai.

The back of her, long hair flowing over her practical dress, standing tall and strong and moving with the grace of a thousand queens. Only the slightest glance to the side of her face, as she was nudged slightly by a ninken, her shopping hitched on one shapely hip. She was lean still, but in the way of an athlete. Clearly she had upped her ritualistic stretching.

He'd wanted to rush to her, hold her again, see her dark, dark eyes again, and let them swallow him up once more. Instinctually, he'd been ready to run to her, but then she disappeared around a bend, and his opportunity was lost.

Orders.

He had _orders_ not to approach her. To leave her be. She was healed without him. He…he couldn't. He just couldn't.

He rushed home, slamming the door behind him, heart beating fast and slightly worried he was going to delve into a panic attack. Or hunt her down, damn the consequences.

Pakkun.

The summon went off without a hitch, the chakra just enough for one dog, and Pakkun appeared at his feet, small and squat and grouchy. Just like every time Kakashi had needed him growing up, Pakkun took one look, and then stood on his back feet, putting his front paws on Kakashi's knee, lifting one in offer.

"Here's my soft toe pads." Pakkun's deep voice rumbled, and Kakashi choked out an ugly laugh, sliding down to sit on his butt and take Pakkun into his arms.

For hours that night, Kakashi spoke to Pakkun, telling him about the mate he had and then lost, even though she was still within reach.

He'd thought he was doing well, packaging her up in his mind in a tidy, clean, beautiful box and sliding her into the dark. If he could pretend enough, she'd become a memory and leave it at that. Seeing just the back of her today taught him differently. She was a part of him. She was so important.

Maybe he could petition to the Hokage? Remove the no-contact stipulation, get to see her again, get to hold her again –

He could do that now, even, how would the Hokage know? How would Inoichi find out? It was just a recommendation…this separation, Kakashi's _sure_ he could-

Pakkun huffed, butting his head against Kakashi's chin. Ah, yes. That was insubordination at least. And how would he know if she even _wanted_ to see him? Where was she, was she healthy, living well? Did she… have friends? Did she….did she have dates, a boyfriend, someone to hold her at night? She could hate him now, hate Kakashi and turn to another man's arms, give him the kisses she saved for him, let him run his hands over her warm curves.

Kakashi punched the floor at the thought. Hating some nameless, shapeless man for nothing more than the imagined slight of _touching_ her.

Gods, he was still so _fucked up_.

000

Day Four Hundred and Ninety Four (and on)

Kakashi was being given a team. He was supposed to take a step back from active mission work (which he was anyways, medical leave since his chakra wasn't yet up to snuff), and take on three preteen baby ninja who knew a lot about how to kill people but had no skill in actually doing it.

Kakashi didn't want to.

And they failed his test anyways. As the children (because they were children) stormed away, one pissed because he was being sent back to the Academy, one in tears because the other had yelled at her, and the last unconcerned and perhaps relieved to be getting more training, Kakashi shook his head. He wasn't meant to be a teacher.

The Academy churned out classes every six months. Those three would have the option to try again, or turn to the Genin corps.

Kakashi got another team, and they failed too.

And again. And again. A year passes, and Kakashi is comfortable in his skin. He's the lazy pervert, the eccentric memorial stone watcher. Most of his friends were dead, ghosts he talked to in the morning before the village woke up. He has a few living friends, and completes only a few missions, all with high visibility. His constant clear presence in the village was a deterrent to many possible enemies of Konoha.

He had particular needs. He didn't like walking through doors that could lock behind him, so he entered through the window most days. He exited via shunshin or substitution, and ate so quickly nobody could catch a glimpse of his face. His chakra control was back to normal, but the seal had forever dampened his supply by about a fifth. Now his jounin reserves were no longer 'large' but 'medium' or so the medics said. So he liked to stretch it. Used silly tricks to keep it in use.

Kakashi particularly liked using his scarecrow symbol, burning it into restaurant chairs or friends' couches when he eye-smiled and left. He read his porn books and protected them fiercely. They were written about women he had never known, didn't recognize, and could never be in love with. Women he never carried into the village like taking his wife home. His past missions were a tight secret, he talked about nothing but what happened only that day.

His friends (and the village) just thought he was weird.

So, Kakashi existed, and thought he would exist like this until he died. It wasn't so bad. It was okay.

Until one day he was summoned by the council, clan heads and civilian merchants, elders and the Hokage, and he was told about the Last Uchiha. Capital letters, like he wasn't even a boy, just the Last Uchiha.

They didn't say the words, but he understood the meaning of the meeting. You have to accept him. Train the Last Uchiha with your sharingan, you're the only one who can.

Team Seven, consisting of Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and Uzumaki Naruto would get the exact same test he gave all the other teams. And fuck the council, if they fail, they _fail_.

But they _pass_.

Tuesday

Mai was slow to fright. She'd been through too much, knew too much, had hold of herself with such an iron clarity that nothing could frighten her unless it was truly out of her control.

This was out of her control.

She didn't know who to talk to. Anyone could have set those men to raid her apartment when she was out. Anyone could have ordered the watchers to make their presence known to her, intimidating but _unseen_ , there but she couldn't find _where_.

The feeling of being watched made her paranoid, made her close her curtains and her windows, buy more locks, more security even though she knew a ninja would find her tricks paltry. Hisa was working at the hospital, and they had tea every now and again. She was too busy for Mai to bother with this. Perhaps the woman wouldn't listen either, everything Mai says is catalogued and added to the mental patient folder the woman had. Normally, it was fine. But with this?

The Hokage was the _Hokage_ , Mai wouldn't bring this to his desk, what would he care?

The Aburame's were her employers first and foremost, no matter how much she loved their children.

Inoichi? Maybe, but Mai didn't have any clearance to go where he normally haunted.

What about –

 _Him_.

The thought made Mai stop hanging her laundry, holding her sheet in her hands and staring blankly ahead. If there was one thing Mai knew, she knew Kakashi would listen to her. It was perhaps against the rules, but Mai was never explicitly told 'stay away from Kakashi' was she? All it had been was "it is encouraged you do not seek contact". It's been several years since.

That left some wiggle room.

Mai swallowed, determination filling her brow and forcing her doubts to recede. Even if Kakashi didn't want to see her, she would _make_ him. Now, Mai hadn't been followed the gossip exactly, but she knew that Kakashi had a new team. He'd passed a team and apparently that was a big thing for the village grapevine, especially who was _on_ that team.

A helpful Obaa-san at the market told her who was on said team, two boys and a girl, and a fishmonger who overheard told her to ' _stay away from that blonde brat, he's no good!_ '

But, Mai said with a small, almost smile, how was she to stay away if she never knew where they were?

They meet every morning on the east side of the village proper, at the training ground with the red bridge. Don't go over there, you might run into the boy!

Oh yes sir, absolutely, thank you for your warning.

And Mai had a plan, waiting in the wings of her mind, waiting for some signal that told her she couldn't handle this by herself.

It was a week later, Wednesday, when she came home from her time at the Aburame's, feet tired and back a little sore from helping the gardeners, to find a shinobi sitting at her kitchen table. He wore a blank Anbu mask, and sat sitting at her kitchen table _waiting_.

The door was locked, the window was closed, and Mai tried not to scream when she turned around from taking off her shoes to finding him sitting there, silent and still, almost like he wasn't even breathing.

Mai breathed in sharply, standing stock still. If he was trying to intimidate her, she didn't want to look like a cowering animal.

All he did though, was stare from black eyeholes in a blank, white mask. Then he stood, silent, completely silent, made a hand sign and disappeared in a flicker.

Mai swallowed hard, heart beating, clenching her teeth to feel grounded. She saw something on the table. Approaching, because she was sure if he wanted to hurt her, he would have done it already. The table was carved up, a pattern clear in the thick, deep gashes in the wood. It was ruined, the table, but the symbol made her gasp, a sick, heavy pit sagging her stomach almost to the floor.

Her family's mark. Her uncle's mark, who had kidnapped her out of the palace, clapped her in chains and handed her personally to Tetsuo and his slave ring. They were watching her. Her family? Her uncle? Someone in the village was _taunting_ her with this. Something she thought was gone rose up within her. Something that made her want to pace. That made her want to sit, still and silent, kneeling on stone and iron and in the dark.

A pervasive feeling of panic filled her, and she reached forward, wanting to cover the mark, wanting it gone, but it was too deep. Hot anger fought with the fear, filling her with a C4 compound of rage and terror. How dare they. She was only just getting started here, her life was here now. How _dare_ they?! Making her feel trapped in her own home. Making her bloody her nails on her own table. The locked door taunted her, the closed windows lied.

Mai made a fist, banging it on the table and ignoring the pain.

Kakashi.

Kakashi, _help_.


End file.
